I think the problem is that serfs don’t understand just how hard it is to round them all up and march them to war against our neighbors who so disgustingly eat a different staple animal than we do and so should obviously be destroyed. And then there’s all the work of trying to breed sons who’ll live long enough to carry on the war. It’s exhausting. You’d think they’d be grateful for all of the justice dispensing - I mean, we all agree it’s so boring, but are they happy when we come up with creative solutions like cutting their children in half?? Of course not!

They just don’t realize how good they have it. They don’t have to constantly watch out for Grand Vizier Al Rashid, that slimey worm, constantly trying to poison my dates. I’ve gone through 8 food tasters this year alone! They don’t have to deal with their nephew Bin Al Hazam scheming and plotting to take the throne, the little shit. I should just have him beheaded and be done with it, but then I’ll never hear the end of it from my sister; kid’s father’s probably a barbarian, anyway.

I mean, seriously. All they have to worry about is rising before dawn, hand-plowing the fields until dusk, and maybe losing a kid to a lion. Which is actually a bonus because then we get to have a lion hunt! But no, it’s all “wah, wah, who will now guide the plow while my wife and I pull?”

Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask - you up for another war? My economy’s been a little in the slumps lately, and some pillage and rapine does wonders for moral.

Guaranteed housing and a share of the harvest have left them insufficiently motivated—we need to turn them into gig workers driven by the constant threat of homelessness and destitution.

They also always complain when you reserve the right to primae noctis on their wedding nights. Just ungrateful if you ask me.

Well, it is a you problem if you can’t be arsed to use corvée properly to develop your demesne and manor. How are your mills and bakeries doing? Your problem if you can’t act like bellatores do…

Proletariat swine

Send your churls to collect taxes, thats what I do.

E’er the back aching for the lash!

Ha ha ha ha. Well, this has been a fun, fantasy diversion. Can you even imagine? People being forced to work while actively infected with a plague? Bodies piling up until conventional storage for them is overwhelmed? All the while, landowners keep shouting, “Nobody wants to work anymore!” Man, that would be bizarre and unconscionable. They’d have the king’s head on a plate, or if not, at least have him deposed. Thank goodness those dark days of ignorance and brutality are no longer.

Hey, they’re not lazy. These serfs did their best to entertain the Lord with a nice demonstration of their prowess with torches and pitchforks.

You should trample some of their crops and collect fines for marrying without permission to motivate them.

Sire, might I suggest you consult the scribes? They may have documented this happening before.