One that comes to mind for me: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is not always true. Maybe even only half the time! Are there any phrases you tend to hear and shake your head at?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
No. What doesn’t kill you creates trauma.
Yeah what didn’t kill me gave me a chronic disease. I’m weak as hell compared to 3 years ago.
For me it turned me into a depressed person who no longer feels emotion the way I did before. I’m 99% numb. The other 1% is manic attacks.
Shout out to my ex who started on #2 recently, as people keep telling me.
Maybe they got therapy and will be a better person this time. Maybe #2 will be the person they need. Whatever. Peace.✌🏽
Same. But in a way, it did kill me, so maybe that’s why I’m not getting stronger.
I can relate. My experience completely changed my personality.
I definitely look at the pre-depression version of myself and see a completely different person.
What doesn’t kill you evolves and tries again
In the same vein (and at least as dangerous): “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” No, you testosterone poisoned numb-nuts - it is your body’s way of telling you that something is not right. Stop and listen!
With the exception when someone starts out a new sport or even manual work, like yep you’re a bit achy now, good on you because that’s the feeling of laziness escaping!
Yep. Gotta know the difference between being a bit sore from growing strength vs pain of damaging your body.
I’m a fan of “what doesn’t kill you only serves to postpone the inevitable.” But maybe that’s a bit fatalistic.
I won’t judge. Life isn’t a picnic for most.
It’s not a picnic, and doesn’t have to be. Without the bad we wouldn’t always appreciate the good things in life. I’ve been fortunate, I’m living well these days, happily married, and haven’t suffered from depression in probably over a decade now (though anxiety is an ever present low buzz in the background. I’m used to it).
But that phrase is irksome. What doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger. Sometimes it fucks up your life. Sometimes it’s a roadblock, other times it’s life altering in unforeseen ways, and occasionally the consequences of what doesn’t kill is a tragic fate worse than death.
Tripping and falling might not kill me, might just lead to embarrassment. Or it could lead to CTE or irreversible brain damage from head trauma. Certainly not stronger for that sort of thing.
Don’t take life too seriously - you’ll never get out of it alive.
We all die in the end.
Sometimes much sooner than that.
Science has proven that what doesn’t kill you (like a virus) actually weakens you. But, conversely, you become more efficient at responding to that specific thing so it only appears like it made you stronger.
And maybe a long term disability too.
What doesn’t kill you only postpones the inevitable.
What doesn’t kill you gets exrea practice for next time.
Well, no, the trauma is the event itself. The reaction to it is post-traumatic stress. If that stress gets in the way of your day-to-day functioning, then it could be called PTSD (but there’s like pages and pages of diagnostic criteria too).
Always appreciate it when a pedant joins the conversation. Thank you.
“All’s fair in love and war”
No it isn’t you fucking sociopath
That reminds me of that zach and cody episode where their mom says “alls fair in love and war” and both of them run with it and Cody ends up locking Zach in a closet as he steals the girl
It’s not a great saying if used to defend acts (on the love side of things, that mindset can even ruin what it’s trying to “win”), but it does make sense to keep it in mind when considering possible actions of other players. If you’re fighting for someone’s love or at war, don’t assume there’s any moral limits to what others might do and that it’s thus safe to ignore those angles.
Not a fan of “it is what it is”. It’s called a thought-terminating cliche. It often means “I’m tired of talking about this, do it my way” when my boss says it.
I’ve always liked it. I guess it depends who is saying it because when my old boss said it, it meant more like, “this is the situation we’re in, let’s not waste time arguing about why it is the situation and let’s just focus on dealing with it and going forward”
Yeah it can have wildly different meanings depending on the circumstances in which it’s said. It can be “well we can’t change it, may as well get on with life” all the way to “well this discussion is not gonna change anything, let’s get on with fixing it”. Very similar, but polar opposite sentiments.
On the rare occasions that I’ve dragged out “it is what it is”, I’ve really wanted to say something like neither of us can change it, and instead of working towards a solution, all you’ve done is COMPLAIN for the last hour. Now SHUT UP, accept the situation, and make yourself useful!
Those sentiments seem identical to me.
First one is saying there’s no point fixing anything, just get over it. Second one saying fixing it might suck, let’s fix it anyway.
Very, very different…
Oh? They both read to me as “We can’t change the past, only the future”.
I personally would only use the original phrase to imply what you’re saying. This is why context matters so much I think; some people just use it as a thought terminating cliche, I’m afraid.
Oedipus begs to differ.
You bring an interesting point! So there’s a Japanese phrase this reminds me of: Shouganai (しょうがない) which translates to “It can’t be helped”. For me, this hits differently than “It is what it is”. Perhaps it’s the context, as I know it’s said about natural disasters like tsunamis and therefore has a connotation of the “getting on with fixing it” like you said.
Sure, not everything needs to be picked apart in detail. But, I never use the phrase myself. As someone else ITT pointed out, context matters, too.
I tend to say things like, “we should fix it now, worry about blame later”. Or something along those lines.
,I feel like this one is context dependent. Sometimes it’s just acceptance of the situation.
“Wish it weren’t so hot outside, but this is Texas in August. It is what it is.”
Context definitely matters. Your example wouldn’t bother me.
Some people seem to think it’s a mic drop in other contexts.
An entirely hollow statement, yet somehow ringing with apathy.
Well, it is what it is.
Damn. I was going to say that.
Ah well, es lo que es.Dos eck eeeees
The basic law of Cologne:
§1: Et es wie et es. („It is how it is.“) Look the facts in the eye, you can’t change them.
$2: Et kütt wie et kütt. („It’ll come as it comes.“) Accept the inevitable, you can’t change fate.
§3: Et hätt noch emmer joot jejange. („Everything turned out fine in the past.“) What turned out okay yesterday, will still work tomorrow. Situationally: We know it’s shit, but it’s the best we can do with what we have.
§4: Wat fott es, es fott. („What’s gone is gone.“) Don’t cling to the past.
§5: Et bliev nix wie et wor. („Nothing ever stays the same.“) Be open to new developments.
I use it for things that can be talked about for ages, but nothing can be changed about them. I don’t use it to terminate discussion, but more of a well understood quick hand for acceptance and sometimes resignation.
“Agree to disagree” is even worse, especially since often the thing you’re arguing about is an empirical goddamn fact and they are not entitled to “disagree” about it. That’s not having a difference of opinion; that’s just fucking being wrong!
I use it when people keep complaining about situations they cannot change. Yes, we fell in the hole, yes it hurt, please just let’s focus on how to get out.
“Ah fuck, this hole sucks! Who even dug that here!? My shoes are dirty, my pants are a mess!” …
“Well… It is what it is. Let’s get out.”
It do be like that
I like it. It’s premise is accepting things beyond your control, allowing someone to stoically move forward rather than dwell in anxiety and disbelief.
Ooo I get that one, but kinda the opposite way. I tell someone it has to be done this way, or to a certain standard, for it to be right. They don’t want to, so they respond with that nonsense.
It’s what it’s
Interesting. I use it to indicate I may not like a situation, but I have to play the have I was dealt to the best of my ability, and sometimes… Well to quote lyrics, “got to know when to hold cem, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”
Tautology is tautology, as I say.
The first rule of the tautology club…
I agree, when it’s used as a thought-terminating cliché. It’s also very applicable to impart acceptance of something that you can’t control.
I used it today to communicate my feelings on a topic I can’t control. Like, me venting isnt going to improve my or the questioners situation.
In principal I am against thought-termination. Sometimes, like a good dog, you gotta put a thought out of its misery
I use it more in acceptance, like if I’m late for work and I hit traffic. Short of driving up the shoulder like an asshole, I’m going to be late. So rather than be stressed for the rest of my commute, I just accept that I’ll be late. It is what it is.
It’s good for when talking about things beyond your control. They way your boss is using it is bullshit. In that case, it is what he’s choosing to decide it is.
Titties what titties. Why did I think this would be funny
“Everything happens for a reason .”
No. Fuck no, and fuck you. I DARE you to say that to the faces of the endless innocent people—many of whom are CHILDREN—who have been murdered, tortured, abused, enslaved, raped, ect.
I hate how people use this but not the phrase itself.
Everything DOES happen for a reason. It’s literal, precise, and accurate. Reasons dont need to be mysterious, aloof, or unknowable. They often are because we choose to stop learning but everything does happen for a reason so start looking for better questions
The reasons just don’t necessarily come with any moral take away attached.
Children get bone cancer for purely physical reasons, yes, but there is no plan behind it, nothing that makes the situation better in any way and this is how the phrase is usually being used. It’s people saying: “Don’t be sad, something good will come of it.” to the faces of grieving parents or deathly ill people who have nothing to look forward to but pain.
Religious/spiritual proselytising has completely alienated the phrase from the methodological naturalism it could express.
Children get bone cancer for purely physical reasons, yes, but there is no plan behind it, nothing that makes the situation better in any way and this is how the phrase is usually being used
My exact point. Im glad you agree with me
All those innocent people being abused usually have a reason behind it too; it’s just that the reason is usually corporate greed and a lack of ethics in politics.
I mean, everything does happen for a reason. It’s just that most of the time, the reason is “because so-and-so is an asshole”. It makes it essentially a useless platitude, but not an untrue one. I definitely take issue with the implication of it, that there’s some supreme, all-knowing authority in the universe who has this complicated, labyrinthine plan for everyone that involves massive amounts of suffering. That whole “mysterious plan of God” thing is a way for Christians to take credit for all of the good stuff that happens, while downplaying all of the bad stuff that happens as just “part of God’s plan!” It’s insidious.
Second time I’m bringing it up in this thread, but in response to exactly that kind of thinking is why I’ve adopted “the universe doesn’t care, so we have to” as a phrase I try to live by.
There are so many popular ways of thinking that absolve humans and humanity of various kinds of responsibility.
It’s not good.
My preferred response to this is, “Entropy. The eventually and unstoppable heat death of the universe where none of this matters is the reason.”
Key indicator of privilege right there.
I think I get the sentiment that you are angry at but there is nothing wrong with that statement. It just doesn’t mean “whelp, there must be some higher purpose those things are serving that we don’t see” and is more like “there are some awful people doing bad things” or “they just were living in a seismic area” or “they had some genes not compatible with their survival”… There are always reasons. Not satisfying or purpose fulfilling reasons, just reasons.
I used to say this when I was a cringy 20-year-old, before I really saw and understood the world (and still believed in a god).
“Grow up and live in the real world” / “Life’s not fair” / other thought-terminating cliches used to shut down anyone who wants the world to be a better place than it is. Like, I fucking know it’s an unfair place. The whole point is that I would like for it to be less unfair.
I got told “life isn’t fair” so many times growing up, I came up with a default comeback: “Doesn’t mean you have to be.”
A version of it has grown to became my tenet in life: “The universe doesn’t care, so we have to.”
life isn’t fair
It’s not as pithy, but I think “Just because you didn’t get your way, doesn’t mean it’s unfair” would be a better sentiment for adults to tell children.
Or “I don’t fucking care what happened, I just don’t want to hear you whine about it”. Hardly an acceptable way to talk to children, but I think it’s what adults in my life meant when I was a child.
When someone who’s trying to exploit me says that, I literally just beat the hell out of them to remind them how right they are and that their means of dominance isn’t the only one. Real world strikes again! This time it’s the reason we have manners!
I hate how “well life is just not fair” shuts down so many very much needed discussions.
That being said, I say that a lot, especially to myself whenever someone, again, including myself, is being intolerable brat who thinks they deserve fairness. No, that’s not how world works.
Funny thing is that those kind of people tend to not care about other people’s struggle or fairness.
is being intolerable brat who thinks they deserve fairness
Why do you think anyone does not deserve to be treated fairly?
I believe treating people fairly, obviously.
But you’ll have hard times that don’t seem so fair; car accident, illness… What I meant by people not deserving fairness is for that kind of things
“Life isn’t fair” always bothered me, even as a kid, because it was used against me to dismiss unjust actions.
Saying something isn’t fair is basically saying it’s not right, it’s not just.
Trying to claim the injustice against me is moot or unimportant just because there’s lots of injustice in the world, seems bonkers to me.
It’s an accurate statement. Life isn’t fair, or right, or just. However, it ignores the fact that we as humans can choose to try to make it those things.
I actually am guilty of using that when people try to tell me “there’s someone out there for everyone.” Or “don’t worry, you’ll find someone who loves you for you.”
Like no? Life isn’t fair, there’s no guarantee of anything.
To your point I agree though, discussing what we’d like to improve is important.
“You’ll find someone who loves you for you,” is totally true, as long as you are also continuously lowering your standards until you find them.
It’s true though. Saying this is not necessarily meant to be the end of a discussion.
Everyone knows that, though. So what’s the point of saying it when someone is trying to make things more fair?
Because saying things, even if they are known, is a thing humans do for various reasons. It seems that sometimes they need to be reminded simple truth.
Nah. Someone lamenting that the world is unfair and needs to change does not need to be reminded that the world is unfair.
"Pull up by the bootstraps"aka bootstrapping was a phrase originally coined to mean something being literally impossible and is now used as a tool to shame the poor for not overcoming nearly impossible social barriers.
“That’s just how they are” is always used to excuse bullies for being bullies.
aka bootstrapping
“Bootstrapping” came after “pull up by the bootstraps”. The former does allude to the latter, but it isn’t the same phrase; it was used in computing to refer to the initial startup of a computer, where the computer has to start up enough of itself to load its own code into memory. That’s a difficult problem, but not an impractical one.
the original interpretation actually makes sense!
“He/she just tells it like it is” No, they are just saying things that resonate with you, but have no actual alignment with data, facts or morality. Simply saying things with no filter doesn’t equal “like it is”. I find it is usually attributed to, at best, oversimplified or completely ignorant statements, at worst, misleading and/or hateful statements.
They’re just saying that it feels good to their confirmation bias.
“they say racist things and i like that because people don’t like it when i say it. this way i can be racist but outsource the messaging”
good for other kinds of bigotry and douchebaggery
You just reminded me of this
Those who champion “brutal honesty” are more interested in the brutality than the honest
I think it depends on the context. If we have an expert on a topic who tries to use some form of simplified Modell and direct speach to make his knowledge more understandable for everyone it is true. Even tho it may be simplified it still contains the most important parts.
But that isn’t the context that phrase is normally used in. That phrase is more like a euphemism for “I’m an asshole, but want it to sound like I’m not”
That’s true
Unused ram is wasted ram. Pisses me off to no end. What I do with my ram is my concern, I don’t want you bloating up and using it.
I assumed this was about sheep at first, and was confused and increasingly concerned.
Nah. It’s about siege tools.
I don’t want people telling me how to raise my other animals either.
RAM usually sits at 95% utilized anyway. People who say this dont know the first thing about operatig systems. They cache files…
That currently unused ram has use later on. I don’t use my second ram stick without booting up a game, doesn’t mean it’s a waste.
People also often confuse allocated RAM with used RAM.
I mean it still technically is. Modern web browsers for example use as much memory as they can do for efficiency, but they will free up memory (to certain point) if other applications need it.
Depends on the context, I suppose. I always say to get twice the RAM than you think you need when building/buying a system. Like storage space, the ideal memory usage is 50 percent with the biggest memory eaters you have running. Enough to run everything you have and room to grow for the future.
Or as I prefer to say, no such thing as too much RAM (assuming your system supports it)
In response to gross privacy violations from big companies and governments:
“If you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to fear.”
Here’s a great response to that:
If you’re at a house party and you need to take a shit, do you do it with the door wide open so everyone can see and smell you? Or do you actually understand, when it comes down to it, that there are valid reasons for wanting privacy other than wanting to get away with something wrong or illegal?
Just reading this makes me SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!
“Quick question” just means you want a quick answer
I see it like a special move.
Like I’m interjecting/interrupting.
So like “Quick question attack! Where did you get that pie?”
I try to only use that when it’s information I expect the person already knows and can answer quickly (i.e. generally very concrete yes/no questions of low complexity)
Yeah, I use it in contexts where if they know the answer offhand, great please help, but if they don’t know, I’m not requesting they spend time or effort looking it up. I can do that myself and don’t intend to offload that part.
It’s like a short answer question on a quiz rather than a research paper term assignment, except leaving the answer blank on the quiz is an acceptable answer.
I use this, and I struggle a little to disengage when the person I ask interprets it as “help me figure out how to solve this” when they don’t actually have the “short answer”.
I think there is rarely a short answer despite what the question implies
Yeah, that’s fair, especially in software work.
“lets agree to disagree”
how about fuck you, one of us is wrong and I want to know which one of us that is!
Most people don’t care about what’s true, something that took me forever to realize. Encountering humanity under the assumption that everyone cares about the truth (or any aspect of empirical and normative reality) is bound to be suuuper confusing until you figure things out. People are literally animals (we forget that), and animals are just trying to survive. Some of them are cute or loving. Not all of them are particularly “good,” and even fewer are willing to sacrifice creature comforts in pursuit of some abstract virtues. That’s why Trump gets any votes.
This is also an autistic thing of being more logical in reasoning.
I only got diagnosed at age 30, and had some bad relationships due to me wanting truth and them feeling personally attacked by my questions.
Could be why it took you some time to realise, as most neurotypical people think in past experience for reasoning. https://psychcentral.com/autism/why-people-with-autism-are-more-logical#autism-and-logical-thinking
Hmmm, while I see your point on the phrase, my friend group and I only ever use it on subjective things. Like orange juice or chocolate milk being better, for example. If we’re both arguing (in a fun way) and have no good points to change the other’s mind, then we agree to disagree. Haha
but there is just no right or wrong answer to every question… sometimes it’s just about opinion.
sometimes these questions are trivial (which color of tie should I wear with this shirt) and sometimes they are literally life and death questions (should death penalty be legal)… and there will always be people with opposing opinions on them. “agreeing to disagree” is literally the best possible thing they can do to live in the same society.
I find it really useful to shut down discussions where no one is budging and are just overall a big waste of time. As an example, if I’ve been trying to convince someone that the earth is round for 10 minutes and they clearly don’t have any interest in changing their view, I’ll just spare me the trouble and say it. If they still refuse to let it go, I start blindly agreeing with them, that usually does the trick.
god loves you/god bless
“God loves you” is fine for me. they are usually simply wishing us happiness in their own way (sure it can be passive-aggressively throw to people they call “sinners” too).
What I really despise is “god has a plan” as words of comfort.
A plan for fucking what? Noahs ark V2? cleverly getting around the “promise not to flood the earth” clause by having greedy assholes pollute the earth in his stead ?
“Ah little 4 year old Andrew would fuck up my plans, better give him cancer… Hm, let’s hit Jane with a truck just incase”
I don’t appreciate that you somehow think a magic man in the sky planning something so cruel would be of any comfort to me.
What I really despise is “god has a plan” as words of comfort.
I got that one a lot after my son killed himself.
How did you resist the urge to punch them?
I’m sorry to hear about your son, and I apologise if my comment brought up some difficult memories.
For me, it was my best friends funeral and his family had an insufferablely god-fearing priest speaking for part of it who knew him from his childhood. He was telling stories were “he found God”, “god has now welcomed him” and “he now knows God’s love”. I don’t recall exactly what he said word for word, I just remember quietly seething throughout his whole speech and also afterwards my other best friends were venting that the whole thing was disrespectful to his memory.
My friend wasn’t religious in the slightest. it felt like a complete stranger trying to convince a room of grieving people comforting lies that he is “in a better place”, when it was clear he didn’t know him at all.
I apologise if my comment brought up some difficult memories.
You are fine, I have to terms with his suicide. I miss him greatly, but I understand why he did it. I think about him all the time. He was my first born, but now technically my youngest of 4. His baby brother is now about 18 months older than he was at his death.
I especially hate it here in the South, as it’s used as a sanctimonious “fuck you” while dishonestly claiming righteousness.
For example, the last time that was said to me was when some asshole crossed a double-yellow to pass me while I was doing 22 in a 25 mph school zone (which means he was doing at least 35 or 40). When I pulled up next to him at the red light and pointed that out, he bitched at me for taking the lane instead of riding in the bike lane (that didn’t exist! It was half a block of shoulder that ended!). He continued to argue that cyclists weren’t entitled to use the street, then as the light changed said “bless you” as if he fucking won and drove off.
It is the most condescending, assholish thing you can say to a person and it makes me want to punch you in your smarmy goddamn face every single time.
“God love you… no one else will”
I’m sure I’ll get guff for this but, “common sense”. Throughout my youth, when people told me something was common sense, I usually thought they were wrong.
Common sense is usually one of two things
One: your self preservation instincts
Two: ability to understand social clues and responding accordingly
The problem is that common sense isn’t all that common. In Denmark we say “healthy sense” instead.
I rip into people who say “common sense”. It’s often used by people who aren’t good communicators.
I’ve found I like interpretating phrase “common sense” akin to this scene, from blazing saddles.
I hate the phrase in political contexts.
“We need common sense (insert) laws!”
In other words, you either agree with me or lack common sense.
That was exactly how adults used the phrase a lot for me as a kid, which made me never use it myself, ever.
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“it’s just a few bad apples”
That’s only half the saying. It is used most of the time as if the full thing is “a few bad apples aren’t a problem because the rest are fine” rather than the real thing “a few bad apples spoil the lot.”
When you forget what you were about to say:
“Must not have been important”
How in the ever-living fuck could anybody come to that conclusion?
I’d only ever say it while referring to myself, and when I do it’s not of a consolation to myself or maybe as a way to tell the other person to not feel sorry about distracting me and making me forget. Is that the same way you interpret it?
I appreciate this alternative interpretation. Many of the responses here are helping to show the many lenses that can be looked through at the same phrases!
Every single time that’s happened to me and I later remembered what it was, it wasn’t important.
Not important to them, very important to you.
I meean, if it was really important, it’s very unlikely you would forget it. We use that saying a ton here
