I mean, I’m sitting here, not really having sex, when about 30% of all popular music is about the horizontal monster mash. So many television plots are born of “I need to have sex with this person badly but it will destroy my marriage.” The sheer amount of porn on the internet, and how it’s the number one consumed genre of entertainment and it’s not even close.
All this taken together, it’s enough to bemoan the fact that I’m disgusted even by the thought of it, and millions of other people have made art about it for billions to consume. What the hell am I missing, that it’s this popular?
This is, at some point, something most sex-repulsed people have to work through.
I had two phases in my life so far. When I was a teenager and later in relationship I was pretty sexually active. After ending this relationship I needed a lot of time to come to terms with everything and I didn’t want any relationships whatsoever so I just stopped having sex. After a few months I just kinda forgot about it? At this point I didn’t have sex for like 6 years, I very rarely get horny and I do NOT want to go back. Yes, sex is fun, but man, being horny can be so fucking tiring. It can occupy your mind for hours, making it hard to focus on work, studying or anything else. It’s kinda like a drug to be honest.
Asexuality doesn’t sound bad at all to me. Well, I guess it doesn’t make relationships easier so it’s obviously a tradeoff…
Asexuality doesn’t mean not being horny unfortunately. Just that its more annoying to deal with it. Even in my mid-20s or so, I’d still get horny regularly doing things like reading math textbooks and wouldn’t be able to focus. Ironically, I remember a month that I wasn’t horny at all was because I was infatuated with a girl, but had zero sexual attraction towards her. Since I was thinking about her all day, it killed my libido.
Starting spiro at ~30yo was great, finally getting rid of a curse. Not that I don’t get turned on sometimes still, but its rarer. Also I’ve always had kinky fantasies and that hasn’t changed.
Being (aro)ace just meant growing up wondering if people were lying about experiencing sexual attraction and being confused by things like dating (that could have been solved if I just knew aroace was a thing at a younger age and that aces could still be horny).
Thanks for this info, I had no idea. To be frank I can’t really wrap my head around the fact that you can be sexually aroused without actually wanting sex.
I mean, I’m married to an asexual homoromantic woman and being lesbians and such is fantastic, but yeah, it’s purely romantic and platonic. I do love her very much.
A lot of that is just age too. From my experience, once you get past your mid 20s the constant hornyness dies down. I’m in my late 30s and I still love sex, but it’s not a need in any capacity.
I can understand the aversion, especially when it is so ever present in our society.
The thing is, why shouldn’t it be? Sex is completely normal, natural, and frankly incredibly important to us as a species. It’s only slightly less important than eating and breathing. Not necessarily on an individual level, but as a collective. Sex is the reason every single one of us exists today.
Unfortunately many religions like to use it for control, they connect it to shame, evil, weakness, corruption. They work very hard to make something that is inherently beautiful into something their followers fear and hide from, leading them to engage in deeper cultural taboos. After all, if watching porn is already a sin, and all sins are equal, then there’s no difference in looking at the Venus de Milo or watching graphic rape. This criminalization of normal sexuality is incredibly depressing to me.
Anyway, at this point I’m just rambling about my own issues. I do hope that you come to find peace with it, even if it never appeals to you personally.
I mean, I’m sitting here, not really having sex, when about 30% of all popular music is about the horizontal monster mash. So many television plots are born of “I need to have sex with this person badly but it will destroy my marriage.” The sheer amount of porn on the internet, and how it’s the number one consumed genre of entertainment and it’s not even close.
All this taken together, it’s enough to bemoan the fact that I’m disgusted even by the thought of it, and millions of other people have made art about it for billions to consume. What the hell am I missing, that it’s this popular?
This is, at some point, something most sex-repulsed people have to work through.
I had two phases in my life so far. When I was a teenager and later in relationship I was pretty sexually active. After ending this relationship I needed a lot of time to come to terms with everything and I didn’t want any relationships whatsoever so I just stopped having sex. After a few months I just kinda forgot about it? At this point I didn’t have sex for like 6 years, I very rarely get horny and I do NOT want to go back. Yes, sex is fun, but man, being horny can be so fucking tiring. It can occupy your mind for hours, making it hard to focus on work, studying or anything else. It’s kinda like a drug to be honest.
Asexuality doesn’t sound bad at all to me. Well, I guess it doesn’t make relationships easier so it’s obviously a tradeoff…
Asexuality doesn’t mean not being horny unfortunately. Just that its more annoying to deal with it. Even in my mid-20s or so, I’d still get horny regularly doing things like reading math textbooks and wouldn’t be able to focus. Ironically, I remember a month that I wasn’t horny at all was because I was infatuated with a girl, but had zero sexual attraction towards her. Since I was thinking about her all day, it killed my libido.
Starting spiro at ~30yo was great, finally getting rid of a curse. Not that I don’t get turned on sometimes still, but its rarer. Also I’ve always had kinky fantasies and that hasn’t changed.
Being (aro)ace just meant growing up wondering if people were lying about experiencing sexual attraction and being confused by things like dating (that could have been solved if I just knew aroace was a thing at a younger age and that aces could still be horny).
Thanks for this info, I had no idea. To be frank I can’t really wrap my head around the fact that you can be sexually aroused without actually wanting sex.
I mean, I’m married to an asexual homoromantic woman and being lesbians and such is fantastic, but yeah, it’s purely romantic and platonic. I do love her very much.
Nice! In this case I wouldn’t give sex a second thought. Don’t let the society pressure you into seeing it as so important! Wish you all the best!
A lot of that is just age too. From my experience, once you get past your mid 20s the constant hornyness dies down. I’m in my late 30s and I still love sex, but it’s not a need in any capacity.
That’s what I would expect. Although I’m comparing myself to my similarly aged friends, and let me tell you, their chase of sex is not slowing down.
I can understand the aversion, especially when it is so ever present in our society.
The thing is, why shouldn’t it be? Sex is completely normal, natural, and frankly incredibly important to us as a species. It’s only slightly less important than eating and breathing. Not necessarily on an individual level, but as a collective. Sex is the reason every single one of us exists today.
Unfortunately many religions like to use it for control, they connect it to shame, evil, weakness, corruption. They work very hard to make something that is inherently beautiful into something their followers fear and hide from, leading them to engage in deeper cultural taboos. After all, if watching porn is already a sin, and all sins are equal, then there’s no difference in looking at the Venus de Milo or watching graphic rape. This criminalization of normal sexuality is incredibly depressing to me.
Anyway, at this point I’m just rambling about my own issues. I do hope that you come to find peace with it, even if it never appeals to you personally.