Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
I don’t know how much patience you have for long term efforts. I have done this for other issues. Meditate on it. Spend initially 5 minutes a day and then lengthen and increase frequency to something like 10-20 minutes 2-3x a day. Figure out what works for you.
Recreate the situations and scenarios where you get triggered. And be in the situation. Stew in it. Notice more and more how you react. What is happening before your reaction? What is happening in the space between each reaction. You most likely will not find out the solution while in meditation. But the meditation will ingrain the ability to slow your processes down. So when you’re back in the situation you will start noticing the issues that are making you lose it.
Once armed with that knowledge you’ll either find new coping mechanisms or you’ll have better information for a mental health professional to help you see those new coping mechanisms.
Rinse and repeat.