Straighten it out, then twist it into a spring around a screwdriver. Remove a spring from some component and put the original in my spare parts box.

I put the paperclip in with other paperclips at my office supply warehouse. Do I live in an office supply warehouse? Yes. The investigators will have to rifle though millions of loose paperclips and thousands of boxed paperclips. They have to search my shipping and my receiving areas. As I’m leaving, a woman sees me. She says “can you sell me some office supplies?” . She’s the lead investigators. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he’s the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell her to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I shipped the paperclip.

Jokes on them, I keep a bunch of old screws, nails, etc. They come in handy. I’d disturb those containers and mix in part the box of paperclips I already have. Then dump the others around the house randomly.

Then, tilt my fridge and hide the correct one under it, in the little lip formed by where the metal is rolled.

Unless they actually lift the fridge and turn it almost upside down, that damn thing isn’t coming out of that lip.

By the time they’ve gone through all of the fake hiding spots and determined that all of the other clips are the wrong ones, a big portion of the time is gone (and I’m assuming the clip somehow identifiable and that they have a way of doing so, otherwise they’re screwed from the beginning)

Nobody with sense is going to turn the fridge over to check under it unless they’ve exhausted other places.

It’s all about wasting their time and making use of human habits, not necessarily a super secret spot.

But, that spot rules out metal detectors, and won’t have visible signs of recent movement (because I keep the kitchen absurdly clean, there’s no built up dust or grime under it to show the movement). If I hadn’t had to turn the fridge on its side to get under they’re for some repairs, I wouldn’t know the lip existed in the first place. So the chances of any of the investigators and/or subcontractors also knowing that a decades old model of refrigerator happens to have a rolled metal lip is pretty damn low.

They’d do the human thing of looking under it, or even lifting it off the feet and checking under those, but not look further because any of the other places under there would allow a little piece of metal to fall out freely when their first search happened.

But, there’s a similar spot on the interior of our washing machine that I found when replacing a switch. Same kind of deal, but the area where the washer is isn’t as clean, so it would be obvious enough.

Straighten it and use a needle to push it into a tube of toothpaste.

I’d unbend it and slip it into the end of an unterminated Ethernet cable and then terminate it. I’ve got boxes of cables that may or may not have ends on them, both factory, home made and hybrid (repairs) cables, and it takes no time to terminate it. Slip the unbent clip into the cable, terminate and throw into the middle of the box, maybe even mix up all the cables so they start to nest.

Good luck fuckers.

Same answer as before. Bend it straight and put it in either a mechanical pencil or the ink tube of a pen.

Unscrew the aerator on the kitchen sink, bend the paperclip so it makes a loop that holds it tight inside of the faucet, and push it up inside the faucet. Then reinstall the aerator.

You can’t metal detect it, it won’t affect water flow, and it would be simple to retrieve.

Straighten it, drill a small hole perpendicular to the hinge of one of your doors, put it inside and cover the hole up. If there’s enough time, add some paint to it, otherwise just use the sawdust mixed with some glue. The hole is certainly tiny enough to get unnoticed and any metal detector would hopefully pick up the larger metal hinge instead of the paperclip. Finally, if you also paint it up, it would practically be invisible. Just make sure you use a paint that doesn’t smell too strongly.

I would simply straighten it and slide it into one of the thousands of corrugated Amazon boxes my wife keeps ordering that make up the half ton of cardboard in my basement. Good luck.

Straighten it then install it under the rim strip of a bike wheel. Reinstall the tire and leave it alone. It would be invisible to metal detector and there’s a good chance none of the investigators know how to change a bike tire. I’d take my tire levers with me

Any family members and all pets will also be removed from the premises, and they aren’t allowed to have the paperclip.

Get someone who isn’t a family member to shove it up their ass and stay in the house

Remove the wall plug, straighten the paper clip and insert it into the cable in between the wires, reinstall the wall plug.

I would straighten it out and then sew it into a pair of jeans near the fly. They would need to inspect every fly seam in every pair of jeans to find it.

I have a loophole–or more accurately, an ash vent in my fireplace. It leads to a spot in my basement that is completely inaccessible without compromising the structural integrity of my home (it’s a block wall that holds up the fireplace and some key joists).

When I need to return the paperclip, I’d take a sledgehammer to the block wall and get it that way (I’d probably attach it to something easy to find before dropping it). The $5Mil will more than cover repairs, even if my house collapses.

If that isn’t legal, I’d just go down to my basement and tuck it between a floor joist and the floor above, plus hide a bunch of decoys in my basement to hide tracks. They would only find it by pulling up every layer of floor in the entire house, which would take much longer than 12 hours.

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