So I just finished my masters in CS and got a job as a junior software engineer. When I first chose CS for my bachelors, I did so because it was somewhat intuitive for me. But I wasn’t crazy about it. Thought the interest would grow over time. I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD throughout my life and thought the difficulties with CS during my bachelor’s (which took almost 7 years) was due to the ADHD and not due to lack of interest in the subject. Learned coping strategies and did my master’s. Graduated with a 4.0 GPA so I’m not bad at it for sure.
Now I’m medicated and I finally feel like I’m able to be 100% of myself. But despite that, I still just do the tasks at work for the sake of doing it. I like the problem solving aspect but it isn’t something I dream about every day. I see my mentor working in the same company live and breathe this stuff and I can tell there is a clear difference in the thought process between both of us. It’s easy for him to produce great quality work as he’s naturally curious about this stuff. Me, I just try to get it done. It’s not lead by curiosity for me. What grabs my interest is stuff like literature, history, linguistics, philosophy, sociology, movies etc. I don’t need any incentive for those things. I’m naturally curious about those fields.
Now I’m wondering if I should still stick with software engineering where I’m decently okay but not that curious about it . Or should I consider a career more aligned with the social sciences/humanities? I don’t even know what careers are in those fields that would be comparable in terms of pay/growth to software engineering. Is the choice between money and passion or can I have both to some degree in the non-SWE fields?
Dude, this happens to me too with my boss. He’d assign me some project with a new tech/framework even he doesn’t fully understand. That would be my main task while he is busy running multiple teams and doing stuff assigned to him. A bit later I find this guy playing with the framework he had assigned me and his level of proficiency with it is already beyond mine even though I was solely focused on that while he was juggling god knows how many things. I get that its a difference in years of experience but also, this dude was just playing around with the framework cuz he was curious. He didn’t need to touch it at all, but he did it anyways. I would never think that way for computers. Other stuff yeah. Which brings me back to my original problem lol.
Yeah I get that lol All I can say is that I think some others here have given good advice that balances the reality of the situation being that computer shit is one of the few decent paying jobs, so we’re in a privileged position (hence think deeply before throwing that away just now) with passion (capitalism means most people hate their job, very very few are lucky with having unalienated labor).
So as long as it isn’t completelt unbearable, it may be good to stay in the field, do what you can to keep on top of skills to do what you got to do to keep the job (and make friends and network and yadda yadda) and put your energy into something more meaningful that isn’t work. Organizing, since being a leftist means fighting for revolution is the true goal overall, and even finding some hobbies or projects that get you in touch with the Humanities. Maybe even a place where software and the Social sciences meet. These exist.
If lucky, you may eventually be able to get a job where you use software skills (in high demand, good paying) that is applied closer aligned to something of your interest.
This answer is realistic I think, but it isn’t ideal (I don’t even like typing it out, and I’m in your boat so I feel the pain), but the ideal situation just is hard to land under capitalism. Maybe it’s possible, but it’s up to you come up with the plan. Sticking with software but doing the above to save your sanity is one path, and may be the path with less risk. But it requires you to also build up a type of self-confidence and self-knowledge and self-love where you don’t judge yourself harshly for not “measuring up” to coworkers who just don’t have your passions, interests, and your heart. But that type of self love is good to build anyway. This place will try to rip it out of you if you aren’t “productive”, but being a dope for capital by spending your energies for its games just shouldn’t be the measure of your worth. Even if it feels like it. And I know in my job I get that feeling a lot
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