If a squash can make you smile… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You’re not how orbital mechanics work.

Land in ocean, suddenly Tom Hanks is involved.

See? They still landed amongst the stars.

Damn. That’s worth savoring.

That was the day OP learned to slice bread like a machine.

“When Putin nuts, I intend to keep sucking, folks.”

The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam in Southend-on-Sea.

Love the sinner, not the sin.

Strawberry eclair so it blends in.

Oh, I’ve touched a horse.

Agree to disagree.

Nicolas Cage’s The Wicker Man is the only John Wick spinoff worth your time.

I wish women’s screams still riled me. It’d sure make mornings a lot easier.

Fyi, on arcade cabinet high scores, the three characters provided are just enough to spell out ASS, if you’ve got the gumption.

I know I shouldn’t, but I’m bad!

I doubt anyone can prove they’re AI.

I hate that I missed out on Conan’s talk show years, because I was going to kill on there with my humorous vignettes.

Thanks for the heads-up, giving RSS Guard a try as we speak. Looks fun.

Not pills. Mostly, they send the poop transplant through your nose, apparently, often after mixing it with 4% milk.

I, too, wish I hadn’t learned it, but it all happened so fast.

WE’RE NOT GOING BACK!!!

Get out and vote, people! Let’s not wake up a few months from now and find we’ve re-elected Donald Trump.