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Joined 6 months ago
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Cake day: December 30th, 2023

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  • Most challenging teaching experiences of my still new career. I’m having a lot of anxiety over how students are responding in one class, if I’m getting through to them, and adjusting lesson plans and my lectures to ensure I am. I’m teaching a very difficult subject, with a history of students failing out of it. So after taking it over from the last professor, I’ve toned it down. It’s a “why we budget” class and most of the students are either a) completely accounting illiterate but great at decision making or b) accountants and don’t understand why we’re talking about theory and decision making. It’s a bit of both, across all major sectors, which makes it notoriously challenging for professors and students. Trying my best, but I’m loosing a lot of sleep over this class.

    Am I getting through? Why did only 2 students provide mid-term feedback? 1 positive, 1 not so much? All fair critiques, and fair praise, but where’s everyone else? Is anyone actually doing the readings or is my approach (you read, you research a little, then I lecture and summarize what you need to take away), not working here?

    Struggles, and I also decided no scotch this week which was my “I am home now, not in the classroom” mental break from the day.



  • So many story telling memories. ME is still a treasure to me despite its challenges and missteps. ME2 is among my favorite game of all time, right behind Dragon Age: Origins.

    But ME3 has a scene that was so well executed that I don’t think anything has ever topped it, for me, in video gaming storytelling. From his decision to rectify what he now believes is a past wrong, do it alone, to his final remark about seashells.

    It, to me, is extremely emotional and in the best way that a good story can be.


  • I’m in a glass box of emotion, in an easy to read list:

    1. SCOTUS and the entire justice system in the US scare the shit out of me and are giving off some very Weimar Republic vibes with their handling of important issues. We are all thinking of how tiered and corrupt this cavalcade of insanity has been, but I’ve yet to hear anyone at the top do or say anything to fight back.

    2. I have a student who is just a total asshole who absolutely needs to be kicked out of my class. Really disappoints me. The mountain of paperwork is exhausting but I’m doing it because someone in a position of power needs to do the right thing once in awhile.

    3. I’m loosing weight and just need to get over this plateau and into my goal area. So close but wow is Laphroaig delicious on cool evenings.

    4. New “older me” personal best on the bench. So I got that going for me, which is nice. I use our college gym and it’s amazing. Most of the staff use the faculty hour but early in the morning, it’s only dedicated athletes and people who want to be there. It’s incredible and extremely satisfying to never need to wait for anything, and loose myself in heavy metal. 10/10.

    5. Since AI is all the rage here, I used it for qualitative coding. Not to do my research. But to summarize and make suggestions. After playing with prompts it was pumping out time saving insights to empower me to dive deeper. Saved me MONTHS of work.

    6. Finished a really funny article in the Atlantic on cruise ships. Awesome writing. Great story.





  • A long long time ago I had two serious knee injuries on the same knee. They warned me after injury and surgery 2 that the day would come when running just would became impossible and I should do everything I could to keep my muscles and health good. I was a runner my whole life, the injuries were not running related, but I could go on a 10 mile run like it was nothing and was pushing 60 miles a week for most of my adult life.

    I started noticing some pain issues and swelling and had to stop running cold turkey two years ago. I got some training and hired an expert to craft a program to support my leg. Personal best in squats and deadlifts, it was incredible, looked and felt great for two years. But then, just like that, I went down on one knee to do a pallof press and HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THE GODS OLD AND NEW the pain.

    I lost what remained of the cartilage. The muscle atrophy as I’ve gone through the systems to get a treatment plan and learn what’s going on has been brutal. I’m looking at major life changes to hold onto the knee until I’m old enough to warrant one replacement I can die with. And it absolutely devastated me. I drove home and saw a jogger and just got so insanely depressed. I want to go and start doing the exercises I know can help me regain some strength, and support that joint, but I also know an f’up will make it way worse. So I wait for PT and am just getting depressed AF.






  • Had a rough lecture the other day and the imposter syndrome smacked me hard. I was teaching students in a skills lab, a sort of optional space where if they are struggling they can join me and learn basic items their prior courses didn’t prepare them for. For context, a budgeting class where they never opened a spreadsheet before.

    So I walk them through the basics, how to use formulas and functions, simple stuff like SUM and using conditional formatting to make negatives red. I must have clicked it typed something and missed it and f’ed the last 10 minutes. Pie charts broke. Wouldn’t filter or sort my data by color. Man. It was a cluster fuck.

    I woke up this morning, huge headache, and realized I’m just damn tired and drained. And it’s resulting in cracks in how effective I can be in the classroom. Really need this term to end, I’ve got too many classes and too many students to teach in top of my own research, family balance, etc.




  • This week is rough. We’re in midterms and everyone around is just in pain. Physical. Mental. I’ve been putting in 12 hour days trying to send feedback (I’m in the un-grading camp, which can be pain with a lot of students) prepare lectures, cover every imaginable student related problem, and it’s overwhelming.

    It’s here where I really see where my class falls. Did I effectively get information across in a meaningful way? Yes. Are there a few students who are beyond helping? Always, and that pains me. You can do everything from outreach, to contacting student help offices, and they still miss assignments and stay on their phone during class. It’s 20-30k a year. Gone. And it hurts me that I can’t do more for them. The students who care are amazing and do incredible work. But knowing how much is at stake here, debt, knowledge, future, and how lucky they all are to have this opportunity…totally wasted. Hits hard every semester.