Are used book stores an option? Libraries are great, but most of my discoveries of new authors and genres has been by hanging out for hours in an old second-hand book store, preferably the kind with a cluttered shelves, narrow aisles, and a cat or two sleeping here and there. I hope you can experience that kind of book-exploration.

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Testing what they can get away with is my guess.

I just started using this one today: https://docs.searxng.org/ and it did a great job for what i needed. I never heard of it before, but found the link on an old Lemmy post.

I don’t know how it would work for other people with other needs, but i needed to find graphic designers to help me with a project. DuckDuckGo kept giving me hundreds of results from a handful of big companies, but i wanted small companies and individuals. Found exactly what i needed on the first search using this engine.

I agree with this post. Move on and build your life your way.

I’d like to add, in case it’s helpful, from my own experience the thinking about it never ends. My dad passed 40 years ago and i still have the same thoughts, feelings, arguments even (a little more one-sided now that he’s gone, though). I mean the dynamic might last forever, but you can separate that emotional internal dynamic from how you live your life. And there’s a kind of “this stops here” effect, because your own children will never have to deal with all that stuff, because you dealt with it and moved on. That’s something to be proud of.