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Cake day: July 11th, 2023
  • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldtoAutism@lemmy.world•Autists (?) I need your help as a Normie for my autism GF.
    1·
    14 minutes ago

    Ok great, so for her BOTH of you, download

    NVC Check-In (iOS, Android)

    and ask her to try it with a recent thing that happened that was concerning or emotional.

    Perhaps when its your turn you can ask her to let you use it (with her supervision since its her phone and its also better for this to be as collaborative as possible and agree to stay present and open to the roughwork that will inevitably be done and worked thru

    I think it lets you save/log your entries so its quite valuable also as a practical journal/diary that gives you both the keys to each others hearts and can be used as both a way to improve things and also a wishlist of future work that will likely (lovingly) need to be done

    Its best to maybe start doing a CheckIn each weekend (its too hard to balance work and emotional stuff like this so best to do it when there’s mutual time and space and less antagonising external conditions that make it more difficult to relax and open up). Do it on Sunday so you have last week in whole to reflect upon and both of you do an entry for your biggest thing you each want to focus on

  • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldtoAutism@lemmy.world•Autists (?) I need your help as a Normie for my autism GF.
    2·
    1 hour ago

    Thats why I mentioned getting an NVC app that she can be walked thru with simple questions that can help her suss out all those things. You as well, often communication habits are based on conflict and emotionally non mature coping mechanisms everyone learned from their caretakers. Both of you will need to engage for issues important to either of you individually or both of you as a couple

    It is beneficial to use an app at first because it makes it easy and structured and replicable and if you both use it, some consistency and familiarity will tend to result that is far more workable. Baby steps for now, you can all improvise later

    Btw Is she Apple or Android and what are you?

    Also there’s not necessarily a ton of benefit to long, drawn out convos on these kinds of things, the best anodyne is getting a quick analysis of the needs that are going unmet, how they bark, and how to get them up to standards so both of you feel better in general and also have confidence in your joint abillity to figure out whats not working/workable and rewrite the script so everything can be brought closer to being in balance but importantly in an organic way.

    Once something has been engaged with and resolved, closure can then be experienced and you move on to the next thing. Its like cleaning and dishes and such, you gotta maintain it, its a system and routine, not an endgoal.

  • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldtoAutism@lemmy.world•Autists (?) I need your help as a Normie for my autism GF.
    10·
    1 hour ago

    🦒Try to get her turned on to nonviolent communication (call it nvc) .

    🦒🦒Both of you can use it as a communication protocol to help make changes you feel are important

    🦒🦒🦒Y’all need to drill down to what causes the reactions and dig in to figure out what is the deeper deficiency or need and how to constructively work towards upholding it and each other in the process.

    🦒🦒🦒🦒I would suggest an app on NVC that walks you thru the process and comes up with your side of a script that helps establish the talking you need to do that your emotions are currently dysfunctionally heavylifting chronically

    🦒🦒We’re a giraffes at the end of the day, afterall 🦒🦒

    Edit: i want to try this in the framework of nvc so i will copy and paste an example