Someone went through and downvoted all my comments. Like way way back, after my letter to you all suggesting ways to help. Fuck your ex, seriously, what they did is awful. But I’m nothing like them and as it turns out nothing like many of you either. How I feel may not be anyone else’s reality, but I should be able to express it. I should of course also accept the consequences for misunderstandings I cause and I have. I’m done. I’m copying my journals and fucking off. It’s been mostly nice so no regrets. We’re never all going to get along. I’m really sorry I reminded you of your ex though, that’s fallen way below your expectations and I wish I could take that back somehow, but I can’t. ciao bella and all the very best with your hunting for work and life in general.

I’m not, but this was a continuation of my journey’s journal from the old dt. I like to publish to a small “normal” audience ie not preaching to the choir,. to gauge people’s response. I got bullied by pilk, which is fucking typical. shut up woman, you’re not entitled to point out how you’re feeling and then two people suggesting maybe I’m of behaving like a teenage girl, see where I’m going here? Hey, how can we be more understanding and totally condescending at the same time, woman. You’re irrational. Don’t do that, men are talking, I know this was raise ire, Bacon was trying to be nice and my response to him was nice. But I’m not a black and white copy of a trans women in early transition. But people will use this whole exchange of an example of how trans girls and women just complain. So fuck it. I’ll go before I really waste time getting worked up over things which aren’t worth it. Taleya got shitty with me, (now blocked) and suggested in a pm, maybe what I’m going through is fucking with my head a bit. it’s the complete opposite and the whole affair could have been ignored honestly . this is hardly my safe space or some haven, it’s been quite ok, but the shine is off, people are behaving exactly like they did on reddit, all fucking talk and then brigading when called out for it. YOU on the other hand, have been nothing but aweseome. I like to write, but losing a space to journal is not a big deal at all. I’m kind of happy to be moving on. While it’s sort of ok here, it’s just another online forum with people from different walks of life. I’ll find somewhere else. Thanks Seagoon, from way back you’ve been a gem <3

I’m not angry with anyone here. Just left feeling alienated. The mods have been great. I think my point is valid and I’m definitely not the only trans person who feels like this. This was my original point about allies made kinda clear, many of feel like this honestly. I understand and stated I understand most people are already at capacity. But just getting people’s pronouns right while nice and respectful isn’t doing much either and we’ve had to fight for that. I can’t keep bitching here though, this whole exchange has made me realise I don’t care for this place as much I once did. The fact is I’m the only person who is openly talking about being trans here and someone keeps downvoting ONLY my content. See above.

So I got a lot of upvotes for my request for you all to help the many organisations ready willing and able to accept your support. But no comments. Someone has downvoted a lot of comments, like gone through my profile clicking. I mean it’s very petty but this is the crap we endure and it’s often after tv programs like the one which aired the other night. I won’t reference it but my family members watched and it was a bit of a witch hunt. Now I have to waste time I should be chilling out in writing about it, challenging the garbage with family.

Racism gets squashed and called out for very good reason, but transphobes are allowed “an opinion” and people do not much to help. Getting my pronouns right will not help my friend obtain full time work. Being an “ally” means fighting alongside us in my opinion. The organisations will have much more measured dialogue, but I don’t represent any of them. I volunteer with one of them, but I’m not allowed to speak on their behalf and am not bound by the same codes of ethics their paid staff are. I can’t change this thing about myself any more than someone can change their heritage. Would you call someone out for saying disparaging things about a Yinnar man with very pale skin like one of my friends?

It’s a serious issue world wide and people calling themselves “allies” just comes across as them feeling sorry for us a lot of the time. People still think we have a choice in the matter but the reality is you either allow yourself the incredible personal honesty required in the face of discrimination or you slowly die. 37% of young transgender people have attempted suicide, that’s just the young ones who have been surveyed. but many many of us spend years thinking about it before diagnosis. Ask me how I know?

So, no one commented on my post about helping my community. I think I gave very clear options. Is everyone just going to sit on their hands? Plenty of upvotes but you see why I say people are all talk. I give people options to make a real difference and it’s crickets.

I’m not angry or disappointed and this is not attacking anyone, we all have capacities and I don’t expect people to drop everything to help. I wish I didn’t need to have to explain all this stuff, but I feel obligated to. And just so you’re aware, I was a volunteer being realising I was trans. I recognised something needed to be done and stepped up. I’m done, I have to go to work. Thx for reading… especially my downvoter, wasting your time is a privilege.

Oh is this adhd? I just thought all my friends had deserted me. I think I better call that shrink. Was meant to get a better referral from my gp last week, but it was his last day and he fucked nearly everything up, aside from all the scripts I asked him to write. I called him a drug dealer. Maybe that wasn’t cool.