My migraines have become truly unbearable. A few days ago I got a weird tingly feeling in my crotch. It felt like menthol had been rubbed on it. At first I thought i was having some kind of allergic reaction. After hours the feeling spread down my right leg, then the next day into my right arm and finally into the right side of my face. I finally managed to get seen by a doctor who diagnosed it as a hemiplegic migraine, a migraine that affects one side of the body.

This is my second hemiplegic migraine but i didn’t recognise what it was as the first one presented differently. The last one, I felt dizzy and like cold water was being poured down my face and lost the movement in my right hand. I thought I was having another stroke that time and went to hospital but it was a hemiplegic migraine.

anyway this time after the diagnosis I took a migraine med that got rid of the problem… temporarily. Today it’s back. My crotch is again tingly and mentholly, it feels horrible and annoying and it’s spread into the right side of my face again. The right side of my face is not only numb and tingly but now paralysed. and of course I have a horrible headache that won’t go away.

On top of all my other issues, I’ve had enough. I want to go to dignitas for assisted suicide but where will I get the money? The first thing you have to do is join dignitas which costs almost £300 (for the joining fee and annual membership), at least it would be the first step to making it happen. I’ve heard that they even give discounts for people on low incomes but you have to join first before they’ll even discuss it.

Do you think it’s worth asking in mutual aid for someone to pay the joining fee for me? Obviously I wouldn’t expect anyone to say that’s what it was for - they could just say it was an easter gift or something. I am just so desperate for this to be over. I know earlier on I was relieved my foot surgery is over but these migraines just keep getting worse and worse. I’ll never have any relief. On top of the thyroid cancer and the issues from the stroke, the fact that I’m now partially sighted etc it’s too much to cope with but the migraines are worse than all the other things put together.

I don’t know if it would even be against the rules here to ask for donations towards an assisted suicide. What do you think?