Honestly, to me even watching people do that whole “we share everything, we have no secrets, we completely gave up our own personality” routine is incredibly creepy. I wouldn’t want a partner who expects the relationship to replace literally everything in their life, that sounds exhausting. Not to mention that I am definitely not going to share everything someone else tells me in confidence with any partner, those are not my secrets to share.
Matter of taste. With my last husband, we just placed both our salaries into a shared account, took all the expenses out of it, then split the remainder 50/50. Each one could do whatever they wanted with their half, and we even had a flex account for house expenses that weren’t covered in the original expenses calculation, and it worked great.
I mean, whatever works for you and for your relationship.
I’m sure some relationships are like you described, and that does seem asphyxiating, but there’s a middle ground where one can trust a partner with shared finances knowing that they are responsible and that big ticket items are discussed and agreed between the two.
As for secrets, it depends. If it is something that relates directly to my partner and affects them, I will tell them always. Otherwise, no. There’s no expectation from them that I’ll share every last secret about everyone they know, or vice versa.
Honestly, to me even watching people do that whole “we share everything, we have no secrets, we completely gave up our own personality” routine is incredibly creepy. I wouldn’t want a partner who expects the relationship to replace literally everything in their life, that sounds exhausting. Not to mention that I am definitely not going to share everything someone else tells me in confidence with any partner, those are not my secrets to share.
Matter of taste. With my last husband, we just placed both our salaries into a shared account, took all the expenses out of it, then split the remainder 50/50. Each one could do whatever they wanted with their half, and we even had a flex account for house expenses that weren’t covered in the original expenses calculation, and it worked great.
I mean, whatever works for you and for your relationship.
I’m sure some relationships are like you described, and that does seem asphyxiating, but there’s a middle ground where one can trust a partner with shared finances knowing that they are responsible and that big ticket items are discussed and agreed between the two.
As for secrets, it depends. If it is something that relates directly to my partner and affects them, I will tell them always. Otherwise, no. There’s no expectation from them that I’ll share every last secret about everyone they know, or vice versa.