I’ve put through kids through secondary and have two more to go. I universally regret giving them a smartphone at year 7. For the first one we fought valiantly - we said no; she and one other girl in her whole year didn’t have a smart phone. Within 6 months it became clear that she was missing out on a lot of events by not having a phone. We caved in and bought one of those neutered android phones meant for younger people - it sucked and basically didn’t work. After 9 months we got her a used iPhone.
It was also the wrong thing to do. Social media immediately starts shaping them and we still have restrictions on which networks they can go on. She can pry Instagram out of my cold dead hands; that site is liquid poison for a young girl.
I decided to go in the other direction. My two boys got their phones at 7 and 8. I put parental controls on it and never allowed them install apps. Most annoying is the extensive use of Youtube so far, but on the other hand both of them are speaking English and have good grades. The usage is limited to 2 hours a day. And at 9pm the phone locks itself.
However, I talked to them about social media and blocked Whatsapp, Instagram etc. I still need to talk more to them of course, because it’s a risk for adults, too. They are individuals and I respect that they need to have fun after school. And I want them not to be “cool” online, but generally be happy with their lifes.
Our experience was that iPhone parental controls are broken beyond belief. They basically don’t work. Searching online I’m not the only one with that problem. Maybe it’s better on Android.
On Android, I’m using Google Family Link. Pretty much locks down and takes control of the entire phone and let’s you manage it all remotely, it’s akin to attaching a Windows computer to a centrally managed Active Directory domain.
Yes, I use family link, too. The only annoying thing are general age restrictions. I am the parent and I need Element.IO for my kids that is rated 18. It doesn’t let me install it, even when it’s our private chat server. Fuck those people who make decisions for parents.
It’s not that they basically don’t work, they pretty much don’t work full stop. Most of my experience with them was in ios 12 but even in 16 they’re still crap
Honestly I think this is the way to go. You can only avoid it for so long. Rather than trying to stop them it’s probably more effective teaching them control and how to navigate this flood of potentially dangerous influences.
Yes, if you always need to tell your kid what to do, it’s all your job. Teach them to think like you think. It saves a lot of work and is less stressful.
Depends what you mean by “it worked”. Of course the kids play too much games and watch too much YouTube. But at least I have kids that are happy and I really have fun with.
It’s also easier to tell them what I want when I really need them to do something. What I want to avoid is to have kids that don’t have respect towards their parents.
I guess it’s also my attitude. I really like to come back from work and have fun with my kids and see them happy. I know many parents who rather try to get their kids to sleep as soon as possible to have time for themselves.
My point is that everyone is “different in one way or another”, so we’re all fair game. That might be getting bullied in front of everyone for being a stereotypical nerd, or it may be another clique talking about you behind your back for dressing preppy and hanging out with the “cool kids”.
I didn’t have a phone until I was 16 despite most of my peers getting one around 12/13. I didn’t get bullied for not having a phone, in fact no one really made any comments on it other than an occasional “wow, I couldn’t live without my phone!”
Granted, this was over ten years ago, and was probably the first generation of teenagers where cell phones were near-ubiquitous. I don’t know if kids nowadays would get bullied just for not having a phone, but it would severely limit their social interactions. Riding your bike and knocking at your friends’ doors randomly, or going to the mall and expecting you’ll find some people you know there, these are from a bygone era.
I’ve put through kids through secondary and have two more to go. I universally regret giving them a smartphone at year 7. For the first one we fought valiantly - we said no; she and one other girl in her whole year didn’t have a smart phone. Within 6 months it became clear that she was missing out on a lot of events by not having a phone. We caved in and bought one of those neutered android phones meant for younger people - it sucked and basically didn’t work. After 9 months we got her a used iPhone.
It was also the wrong thing to do. Social media immediately starts shaping them and we still have restrictions on which networks they can go on. She can pry Instagram out of my cold dead hands; that site is liquid poison for a young girl.
I decided to go in the other direction. My two boys got their phones at 7 and 8. I put parental controls on it and never allowed them install apps. Most annoying is the extensive use of Youtube so far, but on the other hand both of them are speaking English and have good grades. The usage is limited to 2 hours a day. And at 9pm the phone locks itself.
However, I talked to them about social media and blocked Whatsapp, Instagram etc. I still need to talk more to them of course, because it’s a risk for adults, too. They are individuals and I respect that they need to have fun after school. And I want them not to be “cool” online, but generally be happy with their lifes.
Our experience was that iPhone parental controls are broken beyond belief. They basically don’t work. Searching online I’m not the only one with that problem. Maybe it’s better on Android.
On Android, I’m using Google Family Link. Pretty much locks down and takes control of the entire phone and let’s you manage it all remotely, it’s akin to attaching a Windows computer to a centrally managed Active Directory domain.
Screen Time on iOS is proper road kill. It’s not clear, it’s slow to update and it does not obey screen time restrictions.
Yes, I use family link, too. The only annoying thing are general age restrictions. I am the parent and I need Element.IO for my kids that is rated 18. It doesn’t let me install it, even when it’s our private chat server. Fuck those people who make decisions for parents.
It’s not that they basically don’t work, they pretty much don’t work full stop. Most of my experience with them was in ios 12 but even in 16 they’re still crap
And Apple know, of course they do. But there isn’t any profit in letting anyone use your phone less.
Honestly I think this is the way to go. You can only avoid it for so long. Rather than trying to stop them it’s probably more effective teaching them control and how to navigate this flood of potentially dangerous influences.
Yes, if you always need to tell your kid what to do, it’s all your job. Teach them to think like you think. It saves a lot of work and is less stressful.
And what was the result? Did that work?
Depends what you mean by “it worked”. Of course the kids play too much games and watch too much YouTube. But at least I have kids that are happy and I really have fun with.
It’s also easier to tell them what I want when I really need them to do something. What I want to avoid is to have kids that don’t have respect towards their parents.
I guess it’s also my attitude. I really like to come back from work and have fun with my kids and see them happy. I know many parents who rather try to get their kids to sleep as soon as possible to have time for themselves.
Lol, I would’ve been bullied in school if I didn’t have a phone. At least in later grades when phones became more popular.
Coming from an era when nobody had phones, basically everyone got bullied anyway.
This, tbh. You don’t get bullied for something, you get bullied because bullies want to bully.
In my experience it’s usually the ones that stick out and aren’t seen as “cool”. Not even nerds, just people that are different in one way or another.
So everyone
No? Not everyone got bullied when I went to school, and I’m sure it’s not very different nowadays.
My point is that everyone is “different in one way or another”, so we’re all fair game. That might be getting bullied in front of everyone for being a stereotypical nerd, or it may be another clique talking about you behind your back for dressing preppy and hanging out with the “cool kids”.
I think it depends the most on whether the child has a group of friends or not.
Yeah, fair enough
I didn’t have a phone until I was 16 despite most of my peers getting one around 12/13. I didn’t get bullied for not having a phone, in fact no one really made any comments on it other than an occasional “wow, I couldn’t live without my phone!”
Granted, this was over ten years ago, and was probably the first generation of teenagers where cell phones were near-ubiquitous. I don’t know if kids nowadays would get bullied just for not having a phone, but it would severely limit their social interactions. Riding your bike and knocking at your friends’ doors randomly, or going to the mall and expecting you’ll find some people you know there, these are from a bygone era.
I had a phone, but it was an old one, so people made fun of that.
*Poison for any young person.
No doubt. I’ve only had girls at that age so didn’t want to generalise.
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