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If the title omitted ‘today’s’ it wouldn’t even lose any accuracy.
I can’t be sure if I’m thinking of the morning that actually happened today.
Are you sure about that first one?
Wake up…please wake up!
If reality so good, why does the mind prefer dreaming?
my daily routine:
fall asleep > fall asleep > fall asleep
rinse and repeat
Keep an eye for cute butts and use them like landmarks.
“What did you do today?”
“Well, I got coffee at around 9:15 at the cafe with the cute waiter wearing his tight jeans with the wallet rub on the right back pocket. I had a meeting at 10:30 where Melissa picked up the pencil she dropped. Went to the UPS Store during my lunch break where I stood behind the silver fox with the tight cargo pants…”
Make that thirst work to your advantage.
“I know you from your ass better than I know your face.” -Ilana Wexler
Describe your butt so I can remember this comment
callipygian
Supple
Holy Jesus crap keep going so I can remember harder
We have a weekly meeting at work where we talk about what we did on the weekend, and even when I technically have something to talk about, I always forget. But the stuff I do isn’t very exciting anyway, and I often make up shit so they think I have an actual life uwu
Told my team first week on the job about how I like outdoor stuff and I got questions like “wait, you actually touch the fish after catching it? Gross” and then I never engaged again.
I volunteer to walk dogs at the local animal shelter, so I always just talk about the new dogs I met in those meetings haha
Ooh, that’s perfect! You can talk about all the cute dogs, everybody goes “Awww,” and you’re free.
Severance
