so, correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds to me like your financial problems are causing a strain on you both, but you don’t want to cede control over the finances because you’ve tied your sense of self-worth to your status as the breadwinner?

I’ve been there myself, but that didn’t work out for entirely separate reasons; she’s still my best friend (she’s just straight). Looking back, I feel gross about wanting her to be dependent on me but not being okay with being dependent on her. I get there’s different types of dependence, and emotional is just as important as financial, but still…

Maybe it would help to reframe this as a tenporary support to get to where you need to be, instead of a new normal. This can be your chance to focus on transition, or mental health, or career aspirations; it doesn’t have to be you saddling her with more responsibilities and becoming a deadweight.