The squirrels jumped on the Great Western Railway (GWR) 8.54am train from Reading to Gatwick on Monday, forcing passengers to flee to other carriages.
The passengers alerted staff, who tried to lure the squirrels off the train at Redhill with snacks, before trying to force them off with brooms - but to no avail.
They subsequently called the journey off entirely.
Squirrels were armed with WWII Lugers they’d picked up on the black market. Damn, I hate Nazi squirrels.