I’m 40 years old, in a crappy job without prospects despite degrees, and I have 0 friends.

I used to have a grand total of 2 friends before Covid, but then we lost contact. I’ve tried to rekindle, but all effort was onesided so I stopped.

I’m a lifelong spineless people pleaser despite lots of therapy, and the ironic thing is that this turns people off of you instead of having them like you.

At this point I don’t see any reasons to continue trying.

If I had one wish in life, it would be to be a stereotypical asshole with actual self esteem - those are the kinds of people who seem to be anle to reach all of their goals and have others worship the ground they walk on.

But as for me, I’m so turned off by other people in general that I would probably be morbidly amused to read, oh I dunno, that Moscow nuked Kiev (or vive versa), that Jerusalem is burning, or that my hometown was wiped away by a hurricane.

Not to be “edgy”. It’s emotionally debilitating, and to be clear I don’t enjoy/wish for human suffering.

I’ve just become as indifferent to it as the world seems to be to me. Simple tit for tat.

I’m tired. Kinda hoped I wouldn’t wake up from my anaesthesia today. Ah well.

    • Kyrgizion@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      2·
      2 months ago

      The physical wounds have closed, but mentally I’m spiralling.

      I had expected some… drawbacks from the operation but God, I wasn’t prepared to be treated as a literal moron. People see I don’t have teeth or they hear my speech impediment and they don’t even consider me human anymore. Especially at work. On top of that, my son who is being bullied at school got successfully baited by one of his bullies to do something stupid in front of the teacher and he might be expelled. Life’s just a lemon tree that bears fruit daily…

      • Noble Shift@lemmy.worldEnglish
        3·
        2 months ago

        Well that’s all pretty horrible, not gonna lie. It sounds like it’s more important than ever to expand your horizons, do something different.

        As far as the teeth, grow facial hair. I know you can get a 4on/6on post full implants for around $15’000 in Colombia. Brand new mouth. $400 for a hostel for 10 days, $600 round trip flight. Don’t know if that’s an option for you, but it exists.

        I personally do not allow family members to be bullied, but I’ve led a different life. Partly why I am childfree. Get your kid a video camera, go pro something. Get evidence on the bully.

        Don’t let the bastards wear you down. You absolutely cannot be beaten if you keep trying. It’s not our accomplishments that define us, it’s our failures and disappointments, and how we handle them, react to them, pick ourselves up (or lay down). Define the moment or the moment defines you. You’re done yet man, you’re not done yet.

        Go do something stupid and fun with your son, something you guys normally wouldn’t do. Enjoy each other and the day