A one-off, or on occasion is fine; but having to constantly reassure someone that they aren’t the cause of every single frustration you encounter gets extremely exhausting.
My mother. She made some bandanas for our dog, and gave them to us a week or so ago. We thought they were cool. Later, she said, “Sorry you didn’t like the bandanas.” I was like, “News to me, I thought they were great.” “Well, they weren’t what <my wife> was expecting.”
I didn’t even bother mentioning it to my wife until yesterday, who, of course, was fine with the bandanas, as I knew she would be. During that conversation, my wife and I talked about how we need to constantly walk on eggshells around her, because who knows what she’ll be upset about next. It’s exhausting.
I don’t know where my mother gets this stuff. The sad part is that this is actually one of the more sane incidents.
You say that, but there’s a flip side to this. I’ve been in an abusive relationship where my SO was always a hair trigger away from a full on apeshit moment.
You find yourself (regardless of your confidence) wondering if you’ve annoyed them and after a while, you flinch at any shift in tone of voice.
It can be a sign of abuse, but not just in the way you mention.
This meme is relatable but what you said is absolutely true. I’ve been at the barrel end of this psychological abuse. Of course, she was physically abusive too.
It doesn’t matter if the behavior is the result of past trauma. Taking that trauma out on your partner by treating them like they’re an abusive person is abusive.
The behavior being understandable doesn’t make it alright.
A one-off, or on occasion is fine; but having to constantly reassure someone that they aren’t the cause of every single frustration you encounter gets extremely exhausting.
Repetition of needing to correct someone else’s assumptions about my personal feelings is so frustrating.
Energy vampires
My mother. She made some bandanas for our dog, and gave them to us a week or so ago. We thought they were cool. Later, she said, “Sorry you didn’t like the bandanas.” I was like, “News to me, I thought they were great.” “Well, they weren’t what <my wife> was expecting.”
I didn’t even bother mentioning it to my wife until yesterday, who, of course, was fine with the bandanas, as I knew she would be. During that conversation, my wife and I talked about how we need to constantly walk on eggshells around her, because who knows what she’ll be upset about next. It’s exhausting.
I don’t know where my mother gets this stuff. The sad part is that this is actually one of the more sane incidents.
It’s emotional abuse.
You say that, but there’s a flip side to this. I’ve been in an abusive relationship where my SO was always a hair trigger away from a full on apeshit moment. You find yourself (regardless of your confidence) wondering if you’ve annoyed them and after a while, you flinch at any shift in tone of voice. It can be a sign of abuse, but not just in the way you mention.
This meme is relatable but what you said is absolutely true. I’ve been at the barrel end of this psychological abuse. Of course, she was physically abusive too.
It doesn’t matter if the behavior is the result of past trauma. Taking that trauma out on your partner by treating them like they’re an abusive person is abusive.
The behavior being understandable doesn’t make it alright.