I was just having a conversation with my wife this morning about my anxiety about the first time I was going to be confronted for my identity. I told her how I felt like it was going to happen soon as I stop passing as cis. Being in a red state in a very rural area makes these anxieties spiral.
Well, it finally happened. I was approached by a stranger for being trans in front of my wife and 20mo son…
And it was such a heartwarming and hopeful interaction! (sorry, I couldn’t resist the clickbait plot twist)
My family and I were eating at the local Sam’s Club and a man walked up to me and started talking directly to me.
He started with “I don’t mean to be presumptuous but…”
Me: Oh shit, here we go. First confrontation and it’s in front of my son as we are just enjoying lunch
Him: I don’t mean to be presumptuous but I noticed your family is unconventional; my family is also unconventional (He is FtM and his wife is MtF; assumedly). I just wanted to say that if you’re looking for resources or community in the area, these are for you
*he hands me two business cards. One card has a website with a big list of transgender resources in my area. The other card is for a local Lutheran Church.
Him: if you’re looking for a church, these people don’t give a sh*t who you are - they preach about accepting all people and loving and supporting your community. Very loving group of people who accept everyone for who they are.
He patted me on the shoulder, wished me and my family a happy rest of our day and gave a genuine smile as he walked away.
I muttered a thank you but was mostly shocked and didn’t even catch his name.
Luckily, once my family was finished eating, we ended up catching him and his wife on the way out. We got to talking a bit more.
I told him that I really needed that because my wife and I are desperate to find local queer community. We talked about how difficult the beginning stages are (I’m 5 months since cracking and 6 weeks on HRT) but it gets so much better. He isn’t religious (neither am I) but he goes to this church for the community.
I tell him thank you a million times and we exchange names. We end up hugging tightly for a few moments and we were both a little teary.
Final thought. My wife and I looked up the church and it seems their pastor is queer as well and they specifically mention that they are a trans safe place.
I think my wife and I might end up trying them out in the hopes of creating more friendships and a sense of community. We aren’t religious (and can’t believe we are considering going to church) but are looking for a community that accepts us as we are. Who knows, maybe that’s at church? Lol
Just gotta say: as someone who grew up going to a Unitarian Universalist fellowship, “cool” is just such an understatement. I stopped going as a teen, but they’re an incredibly warm, open, and accepting bunch. I hope you’ll end up near a UU fellowship sometime. They’re such a great (albeit quirky at times) group of people.
For anyone who doesn’t know about UUs: It’s kinda a weird decentralized meta-religion whose whole thing is basically just accepting that we all have different experiences in life. Their idea of “religious education”/Sunday school is more or less “here’s what a handful of major world religions believe, now go find what works for you and make sure to respect what works for others too”. You’ll find monotheists, polytheists, and atheists under one roof. I know it sounds like that would work, but it works surprisingly well. It isn’t about what you believe, so much as how you go about it.