If you carry one thing with you today, let it be this: you are beautiful, you matter, and you are loved.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
“Disability” is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
Anybody else work out just so they have energy to keep their ADHD at bay? If I don’t work out I get so much leftover energy that I’m too hyper to sleep.
When my joints don’t protest too much, absolutely. Even just a 20 minute walk can really make a difference and slow me down enough to sit still/lay down to sleep.
Another day trying to trick the world into thinking I’m normal and failing badly let’s gooooooo
vibrates in barely keeping it together
Quickly, we must group hug the owl to keep them from shaking apart!
Update on the healing journey: The wound isn’t closed still, but is neither infected nor has any scar tissue, so that’s good. The medication I got for my surgical wound, however, had a lot of cortisone, which is the main antagonist to insulin. So my high glucose levels have their origin here, thus making my diabetes the main culprit for all of this taking so long. I hope to get my glucose levels back under control soon bc holy shit, I haven’t slept well since I got out of the hospital.
Good to hear that you’re on the mend, at the very least. Hopefully everything levels out soon and you can catch up on some good sleep.
It sucks how if you have an underlying medical condition, it makes everything else worse than it would otherwise have been. Hope you get some sleep!Thank you
i finally told my therapist about having DID and it went pretty well!! she’s looking for psychiatrists who specialize in trauma and neurodivergency that would be covered for me, so hopefully that happens sometime eventually
That’s wonderful news!
Hope it doesn’t take too long and you get some help soon.
I’m so glad she took you seriously!
yayyyyyy
Hey folks. I’ve never posted in here, so this is a long one. I ‘qualify’ medically, but I’ve always been very resistant to self-identifying with my disabilities. I asked my parents to stop posting “I love my autistic child” junk on Facebook back in the day, even though they were well meaning.
I’m strongly aware of how they influenced my past and current behaviors, what overwhelms me and why, and things like that. But the resistance to the identification is still there.
I’ve had some pretty hard falling out with friends recently in part due to my own overzealous nature when it comes to relatively minor injustices, which is a quirk of my condition. I essentially called them out for all playing a new game that directly funds horse racing/animal cruelty and was given a lecture about how tired they are of virtue signaling in response. As a vegan poster, that was the last straw in a sequence of other events.
So I guess I’m trying to break out if that resistance and see if I would be actually be better off interacting with other ND individuals.
Has anyone else experienced this resistance and have suggestions/readings on how to get over it?
I think it used to come from childhood trauma. That my life till now would have been fine if I just had been born ‘normal,’ that I wouldn’t have to dwell on every awkward interaction, that I wouldn’t have been so arrogant in college or caused my parents so much grief, etc. A lot of self blame, regret, and self-isolating to protect myself and feeling others were better off away from me too.
I get that a lot of that now is a societal construction problem, not necessarily an individualized one.
I don’t think I feel that way anymore, but I do still get residual feelings in situations like my most recent one, where my own behavior damages my social relationships, at least insofar as the group dynamic is concerned.
I’m not sure where the current feelings stem from if not the same thing.
Tldr; is there a book for people who (previously) hated themselves/their condition and so rejected communities and labels that might have helped?
Alternatively, something to help temper or more effectively harness injustice sensitivity/righteous anger?
im autistic and am basically only friends with autistic people with like, one or two exceptions. i find talking to non-autistic people generally frustrating, and even those im close to I get pretty constantly frustrated that they don’t tell me things or assume things i didn’t intend.
as for the injustice sensitivity, it really drives me nuts too and is probably why i am drawn to leftist causes. generally i just vent about it to one of my autistic friends to get it out of my system and disengage when i feel myself getting bothered otherwise. but i’m kinda a people pleaser so i don’t have trouble disengaging
also read unmasking autism that one’s good
Appreciate the response. I think that’s part of my issue is that I only really had one group of friends, so I didn’t have separate people I could vent to, others to play games with, etc and kind of compartmentalize that. Definitely a lot of unintended meaning going around.
I do plan to start reading that book, it’s already on my ereader.
the person i vent to is also in the friend group, we’ve just accepted we both have the type of autism that makes us rly petty and bitchy over nothing so we keep it to ourselves in dms lol
but i definitely recommend having more than one friend group in case one implodes. i have two that serve different purposes personally, one that’s more supportive and one that’s more silly. if you go into neurodivergent spaces and are aggressively friendly things tend to work out, or at least it did for me
Welcome in! I’m gonna try and respond as best I can, please let me know if at any point I’m unclear or come off in a negative way.
On resisting identifying as Neurodivergent
I’ll start by sharing that I have told two people outside of Hexbear that I got diagnosed as AuDHD last year, and that I have a fair bit of anxiety when thinking about sharing it openly with everyone I know or may meet. That anxiety comes from the stigma of being labeled and ‘othered’, which I think a lot of folks here can probably relate to. With the political climate in the US, where I’m at, autism has become increasingly more difficult to speak on because of the misinformation being spread and the anti-science talking points that are pervasive within the general populace and the current administration. One of my favorite websites right now is stimpunks, which I’ve posted about before in the neurodiverse comm. I think a lot of us were taught to mask and hide our differences growing up because the world has told us our natural behaviors are wrong and meant to be corrected, leaving us resistant to the very things that make us comfortable with ourselves. Fighting that internal stigma can be really, really hard. I am still adjusting to the idea of being ND almost a year after my diagnosis because I’ve been so heavily masked for so long, but we have such a welcoming and wonderful community here on Hexbear that I’ve become noticeably more comfortable with my ND tendencies IRL and here on the site. I think it’s wonderful that you want to be more openly accepting of yourself!! The Unmasking Autism book by Devon Price was a huge eye-opener for me as to why I felt the way I did and what masking really meant in my daily life. I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about themselves and others who identify or have been diagnosed as autistic. Their book Unlearning Shame is also another great read (I’m about halfway through it right now). I’ve struggled with relationships a lot as well, and I found this book on emotional maturity really helped me with understanding some of my emotional baggage and trauma. It’s older, and should be taken with a heavy dose of critique, but I think the general messages are sound. I’m sure if you search the ND community for some book recs, there’s a few posts with a place for reading lists/videos/articles as well.
on relationships
I don’t have much in terms of advice for calling people out/virtue signaling. A lot of the time in situations like that I’ve had to ask myself internally what I expect from the other person if I’m going to say something to them about a certain topic. We all have the slop that we like to consume, whether it’s games, food choices, or literature. Everyone deserves a modicum of respect to lives their lives as they want, so long as it’s not detrimental you and those around you. If it gets to the point where you’re losing respect for the person and their choices, it might be time to truly consider what you’re wanting out of that relationship and if it’s worth continuing. I wish there were more I could offer, but without more information I feel like I’m making too many assumptions and I don’t want to offer up irrelevant blather. I’m open to chat more about it if you want, though.
Hopefully that’s not too ramble-y, and I hope that answered some of your questions.
I’m a very verbose rambler, so no worries there. I’ve spoilered my replies too to make it a little less long.
On your recommendations
I appreciate the book recommendations. I’m scrolling through the stimpunks website and it’s a lot to take in, but I’ve already opened a few links to look at later. I did see that they encourage you to just kind of scroll.
I’ve heard of the Unmasking Autism book before. I think I’ll start there. I’ve never really felt like I masked in public, which is part of what leads to awkward or unsatisfactory social interactions. But I’m open to the idea that I don’t fully know what all masking encompasses and that it might help to recognize if that is something I have been doing all this time without realizing it. The Unlearning Shame book might help in that regard too. I think I have a tendency to just withdraw socially in reaction to stress so as to avoid future situations entirely.
I think what you’ve said about being othered is a common sentiment I’ve come across and felt. I think part of it was to reject the label, excel in spite of my condition (at least in some areas), and ‘prove’ to people that there was nothing ‘wrong’ with me. Nobody else I was trying to prove anything to really cared though. In that they’re just glad that I’m better off than I was.
I have a long term partner so my relationship there is great. They’re very supportive and understanding of the quirks I have. I don’t think they quite get why they manifest. But it’s kind of impossible to explain to someone what it feels like to be a child with sensory overload and have clothing ‘hurt’ you to the point that you refuse to wear it. It just doesn’t make sense.
On relationships
I understand what you mean regarding respecting people’s actions. That’s sort of one comment someone made to me during that interaction. I don’t know that context to the specific scenario is helpful. It’s hard to explain especially if someone is not vegan (I’m just assuming in this case). It’s not a direct comparison, and some people probably experience similar circumstances. But suppose that from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, every billboard, every ad, every label on every object you pick up, every conversation you overhear all reeks of casual racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, or whichever form of oppression might apply to you or people you care about. Even FROM those same people. That’s kind of as close as I can get to describing the experience of vystopia. It’s sort of an inescapable and ever present anguish that is constantly fed. I could compare this particular circumstance to if all your friends were all playing the new Harry Potter game, despite knowing noted transphobe Rowling receives money from every copy. It kind of ruins the vibe of commiserating with that group, since interacting with them brings more stuff like that into your life, rather than being a joyful escape from it.
In general, I think that my most commonly presenting trait other than a general shyness, is justice sensitivity. I was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder as a child, which if you read now, has been heavily criticized for being racist but also pathologizing a natural resistance to whatever you feel is unjust, not necessarily what is. So this could easily apply to things like going to school, or nap time. But to put it in Hexbear terms, as an adult, I think this essentially manifests as acting like an Appalachian Maoist who is consistently critical of everyone not living up to their expectations. I don’t think I’m that obnoxious, but it comes out now and again when I’m just exhausted by the circumstances. Especially now, as you mentioned in the political climate in places like the US. It makes it feel like indifference and inaction are more offensive than they would otherwise be and it’s definitely upped my confrontational meter a little bit.
I don’t necessarily think I’ve lost respect or hate the people I am talking about in this scenario, but it feels mutually unbeneficial to continue interacting with them, even after being friends for over a decade. I’ve done a lot of thinking since that interaction the last week or so and concluded that online-only friendships based primarily on media consumption are not satisfying to me anymore. Not that I think everyone is a mindless consumer, but they want people to relax and play video games with to escape thinking about unfortunate events, and I want people to commiserate and take action with. I am geographically isolated at the moment, contributing to my general unease, but that is changing in the next few months and I hope to join some activist groups in my new location.
Apply that kind of thing to strangers though, and it’s difficult to make friends if your hard line is stricter than others. I don’t expect everyone to be like me or have the same thoughts or moral or whatever, but I do want to get a sense that they are at least considering these things when making their decisions and take me seriously when I am expressing my feelings about them.
I feel like most people I talk to on Hexbear are in that camp. As long as someone isn’t saying something obviously heinous, people are understanding and compassionate and genuine in their interactions. Like you were with your reply. Which is part of why I decided to try posting in this mega in the first place. I’ve only felt that sense of community once before, in a completely different country, where it felt like people were all working toward a mutual goal and understanding, with everyone supporting each other along the way.
Thank you for your response, I learned a couple of things just from you sharing and I appreciate it! A lot of what you said really resonates with a lot of my own experiences.
just continuing the convo, sharing a little about myself
I think I have a tendency to just withdraw socially in reaction to stress so as to avoid future situations entirely
I tend to do this as well, but moreso once burnout really started to catch up to me several years ago. I didn’t even know it was burnout until reading Dr. Price’s book and getting diagnosed. It’s helped me kind of re-frame a lot of the internalized ableism I’d been carrying around, as well as help me understand a lot about what defines the disorder and how to better adapt to a neurotypical world. If you do get around to reading it I hope it proves beneficial.
it’s kind of impossible to explain to someone what it feels like to be a child with sensory overload and have clothing ‘hurt’ you to the point that you refuse to wear it
I feel this in my soul, comrade. Sensory overload can be so hard to communicate and navigate. I’ve found that scents, foods, sounds, etc. can cause extreme dysfunction for me if I’m not careful.
I don’t know that context to the specific scenario is helpful.
My apologies, I was definitely trying to keep it as broad as possible without making too many assumptions, so I appreciate your explanation.
It’s sort of an inescapable and ever present anguish that is constantly fed, plus the vystopia
Thank you for sharing this, I wasn’t familiar with ODD but I can empathize with a lot of what you shared.
I’m vegan! You taught me a new word, and I have felt this more and more recently the older I get. When I originally made the changes because of health issues, I ended up learning a lot about cooking, the horrors of where our food comes from, and that a lot of my food sensitivities were actually stemming from dairy and meat intolerance. My slop comment was a little harsh. I think I was trying to express my opinion that a lot of people aren’t in a place where change is always viable, since we are still subject to a very dystopian capitalist nightmare that we grow accustomed or adjusted to whether we’re trying to or not. Like with veganism, I try to remind myself not everyone has the privilege of food security or housing that allows for ingredients or tools to prepare certain foods. I don’t disagree with you at all, in fact I relate to a lot of what you shared about feeling surrounded by the constant reminders of everything wrong with the world. It can get exhausting, especially when big emotions and feeling a sense of justice is so common to those on the spectrum. I can’t remember where I read it, but I’ve seen references to people with ASD often displaying a very strong sense of morality with the added benefit of not being swept up into social norms, and that it can cause additional stress if we don’t find outlets and means of regulating around it. Organizing seems like a great way to address those feelings though! That and finding others to share experiences with.
on the relationship part
It sounds like you’ve been fair and considerate to your needs as well as those you were interacting with, which is really all you can do, right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting something different, or something more from relationships. It’s awesome you have a supportive partner, too. Sometimes one person can really make the difference. You deserve a safe space to express yourself and be treated fairly, I hope we can continue to provide that here.
Haven’t been very active the past couple of days as my laptop charger died, but someone came through and helped me get a new one.
It seemed OK at first but then I had a bad 24 hours after my surgery, much more bleeding and pain than usual, but it seems to have died down to a normal amount of oozing and not much pain now. And they had a cancellation so they’ve moved my next surgery forward to the 24th.
But for the past few days I’ve had endless tingling and pins and needles in my legs and feet. I don’t think it’s related to the surgery. I’m wondering if it’s related to my hair loss as both these things started very recently. So bloody difficult to get medical help these days though.
And to top it all off: I mentioned a while ago that I take an anti migraine med that can cause autism and ADHD in your child if you get pregnant while taking it. For this reason the government now says women who take this drug must also take birth control. I had a big battle fighting against having to take birth control and I thought it was finally over - now they’ve started sending me messages demanding I make an appointment to get birth control, again! I am furious. I am asexual, I am going through perimenopause, I’m a stroke patient so hormonal birth control would be very dangerous for me and I don’t want a coil - being forced into a painful and degrading medical procedure against my will. This is sexual discrimination plain and simple. Just because I’m female I have to take drugs I don’t want or have my migraine meds taken away? Not to mention the fact that society must really hate ADHD/autistic people if they are this desperate to stop them from being born.
I have written to my local MP to complain about this but he is useless, I’d be amazed if he even replies.
- glad you got a new charger!!
god that thing about birth control is absolutely crazy. i started taking birth control again (for pcos, im also ace) and that shit sucks ass. i just love that the government can control a woman’s bodily autonomy like that. and it’s over ableism too. absolutely disgusting nonsense
Yeah I mean, blood clots, strokes, cancer, thyroid problems and headaches are just a few side effects of the pill but hey, it’s better to suffer that than to bring an autistic child into the world!
Hey love, I’m glad you got the charger situation resolved
As to the medical stuff, holy shit, not even recovery lets you rest up, does it? I hope getting the blood work will turn something up concerning the pins and tingles. Take care.
Thanks.
Yeah now I’ve had another thought. I’m wondering if this tingling could be some adverse reaction to all the local anaesthetics I’ve had in my feet these past few months. I suppose I’m going to have a battle getting a doctor’s appointment and they might be as useless as the doctor I saw last week and do nothing.
Good grief, I remember when you first posted about having to fight them on that medication the first time. I hope it goes in your favor comrade, it is absolute nonsense to put you on something that will have no benefit.
Did anything ever come from your recent bout of tests you got done? I’m catching up on the comments, but I’m glad you were able to get the cord for your laptop, and that they moved up the next surgery. Hopefully you can get some relief from the tingling and pain soon. Really hope it’s not like an allergy or something. Sending hugs and peace, love.
I haven’t been contacted about the blood tests results yet. I don’t know whether it’s because there’s nothing to report, or because the GP surgery is such a shambles now, or whether they’re waiting for the endocrinologist to deal with it.
However I am amazed to be able to report that I got a response from my MP already. Last time I contacted him he didn’t respond for 4 months. This is what he says:
*Thank you for your email regarding this matter, I deeply regret hearing about the challenges you are currently facing.
I have contacted the Secretary of State about this matter and I am awaiting a response.
In the meantime, if you have any further concerns or questions please do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you feel that I could be of any assistance.*
Maybe if they have to debate this in parliament I could get the law changed! Or maybe they are so desperate to prevent the births of more ADHD/autistic people that they will refuse to change it and force women to keep getting contraception anyway.
That’s actually decent news about the MP response! I really hope it pans out, that would be wonderful to have that actually addressed. Fingers crossed that your results come back soon, and you can get some answers.
I got the blood tests back today, and they say there’s nothing particularly wrong, everything is more or less within the normal range. Slightly reduced kidney function and very low TSH but my TSH is meant to be kept low to prevent the cancer from coming back, so that’s acceptable. The pins and needles are constant now though. I managed to get an appointment with the nurse, she said she’ll ask the GP and see what he thinks but she thinks it’s not a big deal. OK so over the past 2 weeks my hair has begun falling out to the point I have bald patches and I now have permanent pins and needles but according to medics, everything’s OK, nothing to worry about and they have no idea what the problem is. Very helpful, as ever.
Yeah, sure, hair loss like that is totally normal, no biggie. What a joke. I’m sorry you have to go through this again.
In all seriousness, maybe it isn’t something in your blood? Or maybe whatever is missing wasn’t covered by thr tests done?
If I manage to find out where my hair loss is coming from, I’ll let you know.
I’m pretty sure I’m officially in burnout because of work. Last shift, I had a guy take 40 or so stops off of me but still got done when I normally would. Had I not gotten help, I’d have been out until 7pm. That shift was exceptionally bullshit though.
I hate that I’ve been writing code on and off for 10 years but haven’t had a programming job long enough to be worth looking at. I have a portfolio and active github(both linked on my resume) but am consistently getting denied interviews. I just want to make websites because I’m decent at it. But no one local or remote wants to even bother with me. And like, even if I do land a decent paying software job, at this point retirement isn’t even an option. I’m now mostly just looking for something that is steady enough to live off of until I die.
I have 4 mobile apps on the Play Store. I have over a dozen websites I’ve made in the last year, 3 of which are actually live and being used. I’m not sure how big of a portfolio I need at this point to even be considered. I think next week I’m gonna make a fake resume that claims I worked for years at several now defunct companies doing web stuff and see where that goes. Idk. Life just sucks. Ever get the hint that you should just accept your shitty existence for years but still try to ignore it? Not great on your mental health.
Your resume sounds downright impressive, honestly. Job hunting is so awful, and I’m starting to think a lot of places are just auto-rejecting applications and they don’t even get seen by real people. It can really feel hopeless sometimes…most of the time, really.
I’m so sorry work is sucking out all your energy, too. It can’t be easy juggling all the things you do. I hope you can get some rest and find some time to chill and just recuperate. You deserve a break.
I sent my 6 months feelers out asking my various groups if they have any leads. An actual Israeli zionist lviing in Israel in my horror movie discord group suggested I use Indeed. My reply was that over the past 3 years I’ve probably applied to over 1,000 jobs on there but thanks anyway. The guy has had a stable job since day one though and doesn’t get fired or quit once every 12-18 months from autistic burnout like me. Must be nice being so successful. But also death to Israel.
I’ve probably also applied to another 500 or so jobs on the various other job posting sites. No one wants me, and I can’t even do freelance correctly since no one wants to pay for a website.
It is literally always moral to lie on your resume. If you’ve got any buddies who work in the same field maybe you can use the to vouch for your lies too? You’ve clearly got the qualifications the issue is getting a foot properly in the door, and that’s some bullshit
My only friend in the field is pretty by the book on stuff so probably wouldn’t lie if I use him as a reference and stuff. I do have a friend that offered to be a reference but he doesn’t know the first thing about tech.
Roux, you need a break, like a serious one. And while I hope cheating on a resume helps getting you a job, I really do wanna stress that an actual break/vacation/time off without obligations, whatever you wanna call it, is probably the most important thing with the load of bs you have to deal with. I don’t want this to sound patronizing, I’m really worried (and also grateful to the guy who helped you out). Please take care of yourself, and I wish I could do more than send you a hug
Last time I went on vacation I started a business
But for real though, I kind of wanna give it all up and stop organizing because it’s all turning to shit too. I made the joke a billion times but I almost just want to go start a commune away from all the bullshit of being oppressed in a capitalist society. I’m tired, boss.
Okay, a vacation removed from anything that can be turned into a business, then…? I feel you though, I tend to start getting busy especially when I have time to chill
I get the being tired part
Even if it’s just a joke, maybe building a commune really is the way to go. Maybe a commune would give you the chance to actually rest upI also sort of wanna quit this shit job and get back into fermented veggies and just sell those. I was making quite a bit during covid just selling for a few hours on Saturdays. Midlife crisis mode activated lol.
Sounds more like midlife opportunity, hah. And selling fermented veggies is so cool? You really should do that!
I was doing that during covid and was making like $300 every Saturday at the farmer’s market. We have a community market event coming up and I’m thinking about whipping up a batch of kimchi for it actually.
That’s a great idea
I am getting the weirdest tan pattern from sitting in the shade reading/“drawing” (the word gives my doodles too much credit) in semi-shade and taking the train back and forth. It’s looking like a drivers tan but less even.
perimenopause has wrecked me
I told my mom I was gonna see someone about my cycle and being a psycho (quite literally – the PMDD to psychosis pipeline is real), and I found out she stopped bleeding at 45
I’m 43
suddenly it all makes sense
this comment is here as a signpost for anyone dealing with AuDHD, OCD, PTSD, and you do all the things you’re supposed to do for those to make your life better and you still find that nothing helps: maybe it is your hormones making all those things worse
I started HRT 1.5 weeks ago, and my life isn’t magically fixed, but I also don’t feel the incredibly urgent need to end it, and that feels like progress
oh that’s nice to hear thanks. my meds aren’t working at all but i started birth control for pcos so maybe that’ll help a bit. right now im just in sensory overload from the bleeding though
Nice to see you again! Sorry to hear you’re having problems with the perimenopause, but glad you’re getting help with it.
I hope they keep working in your favor, comrade. Mood swings and stuff around that time can be absolutely wild. I’m glad you got something to that seems to be working.
lil bit of personal over sharing to relate
It makes me anxious wondering if it’ll catch up to me like that too because I get huge cysts around my cycle that sometimes burst and even had a partial ovarian torsion. My doc said hormones would be on the menu if the cysts continued to be a problem, so I appreciate you sharing because I have been putting it off with the hope the stuff I’m already on will keep me sane and comfortable enough to function. Really hope it continues to help you too.
No matter how well I do, I know when I enter certain parts of my cycle nothing will make me feel better. I am so not looking forward to menopause and the stuff before. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope HRT helps you get along.
How long should I take for a tolerance break for my methylphenidate. I am seeing wildly diffrent numbers in the discourse. I took the weekend off and I feel it it hit diffrent today.
I think it’s best to follow your prescriber’s instructions for methylphenidate, since the drug affects people in so many different ways and can be used to treat different things. You’re probably seeing so many varied responses because dosage, other drug interactions, and medical history can change how it works for you.
My treatment guide book thing that is supposed to be used by students working at the hospital has like a “This would work but don’t do it” section of a lot of diseases, and for the somatic diseases its kinda funny, it’s basically stuff like giving patients alcohol, cigarettes or illicit drugs for treatment purposes. (Theres also some real treatments with the caveat of “You’re not yet qualified to do it” stuff)
The psychiatric portion is a horror show though because it’s basically just explaining chemical restraints and how to gaslight a patient.Given how often the terrible things happen, it does make me wonder if I could get my doctor to score me a speedball and a vodka.
Not so fun fact I learned today! They can reduce your SSI and make your spouse make up the rest if you get married. It even applies to common law marriage. That’s just straight up eugenics, but what do you expect from the world’s most evil, genocidal, settler-colonialist country in the world behind Isnotreal!
yep. and SSI isn’t enough to live on, so you gotta have someone supporting you… i have many disabled friends who live with abusive/transphobic parents still because they just can’t get out. another disabled friend who got married, and she’s completely financially dependant on her husband. they have a good relationship but it’s so scary to think about how ripe that kind of dependence is for abuse
Is it eugenics because it’s a disinsentive to get married as a disabled person? I never thought about it that way but it makes sense. Education about eugenics is very lacking in schools given how dangerous and prevalent it is. I’d like to learn more about its history, what role it plays in today’s society and how to tackle it for disability rights movement if anyone has book recs.
Although I’ve never had any interest in getting married myself, I’ve always been angry about the lack of marriage equality of disabled people and the fact that nobody seems to care. I’d never thought of it as being eugenics before but that makes a lot of sense.
Robert Chapman’s Empire of Normality is exactly what you’re looking for
Thank you, this seems like a great book
In my mind it disincentivizes disabled folks from starting families since marriage has a lot of benefits for couples with children. Sure an extra $2000 tax break is a big help but it certainly doesn’t cover that lost monthly income!
Yes that makes sense. The way our governments ‘help’ us with below poverty income that is only given if you basically work a full time job in proving you’re actually too sick to work and on top of that is controlling your life because of all the rules attached is truly rage inducing :)
basically work a full time job in proving you’re actually too sick to work and on top of that is controlling your life because of all the rules
THIS. I get so angry when people claim disability claimants sit around having a nice time for free. It’s a full time job being disabled with all the insanity you have to go through to get and keep benefits, plus appeals, endless medical appointments and treatments, etc.
If you and your spouse are both on SSI I believe your combined benefits drop by at least 1/3.
That’s almost comically evil wtf. How much is it reduced? And what if your spouse can’t pay?
I’ve read anything from 25% to 70% and the worst part is they also go after Medicaid benefits
Hey comrades, do any of you know or have experience with dating apps for people with disabilities? I’m in my early 30s and have hit the point in my life where I would like to find a life partner. I looked around on the Reddit disability community but y’all know what’s up with Reddit users.
Apps specifically designed for disabled people or using apps as a disabled person?
I was mostly looking for apps designed for disabled people, but I’ll also take advice on dating able-bodied folks.
I can’t speak for apps for disabled people, but the disabled people i know who has had the most success on the apps have used smaller apps and/or dated in kink spaces. There’s a lot more open minded people if you leave tinder/bumble behind. (Grindr is always a cesspit, but I don’t know anyone else who is both gay and disabled well enough to have talked dating with them) Of course if you’re not into kink stuff, you probably shouldn’t be looking in those spaces.
Yeah mainstream apps are already nightmare fuel for able-bodied people, I ain’t messing with that lol. I’m not into kink, just a cis femme attracted guy, but thank you for taking the time to answer me.
Approaching tasks is so stupidly hard. I can start cleaning the kitchen but then not finish it, even if it would only take me a minute to put something away and a few more to empty the dishwasher. I can take some clothes off of the line, but not all of them. Executive dysfunction is just stupid
I’ve found doing even a bit of cleaning really adds up. Also I’ve found ways to do cleaning more quickly and easily. for instance if you’ve let things build up and the floor is covered with rubbish, just having one of those long-handled dustpan and brush sets makes it so quick and easy. Especially if you’re disabled, no bending down to pick anything up. Just sweep all the rubbish into the dustpan and tip it in the bin. Takes a moment and makes the place so much cleaner.
I’m curious bc I don’t know how it feels, so please don’t take this the wrong way: how does the executive dysfunction feel in those moments? Is it like a strong feeling of “Nah, I don’t want to finish” or does it seem to be an actual mental block preventing you from finishing the task?
Either way, do you feel more able to finish the task if you let some time pass?
For me it’s like a mental block, my desire to do something doesn’t go away. (I also sometimes just have no motivation to do something, but that’s a different thing I think).
Like I can stand in front of a simple task that I could easily do in just a few minutes, that has no complications, and that I really want to do, and just be unable to do it. Nowadays I just walk away cuz I know I won’t be able to do it now but may if I just try again later. But when it first started happening I’d stand there trying to get my body to do it for hours sometimes, usually ending in me crying and feeling terrible.
Thank you for the explanation. I’m glad you found a way to avoid feeling terrible about not finishing a task by just trying again later
You’re welcome!
The one downside is that, while this works for me and I usually don’t feel bad, this doesn’t work well for external deadlines. And NTs don’t like it (but fuck them anyways)
Whether they like it or not, this is what you need for yourself to be able to finish a task, so no matter what they say or do, you are in the right to accommodate yourself, especially when they refuse to
I think there are diffrent kinds. The one common to adhd is dopamine disregulation. So picture moving a pile of bricks for no reason. Not painful but you just don’t want to right. Any task that doesn’t give a dopamine rewards tends to be downregulated. So that feeling is the same you get about luandry. So like, I could but my body tells me to not waste the energy. Like, literally anything else is more important to do so don’t waste time on that.
There are some people that experience it like the feeling of not wanting to touch a cactus. I don’t have much experience with that.
Thank you for the explanation
When I start it, I feel like it will take a certain amount of time, and I feel like I’m not able to commit that amount of time to a task. Even when it’s less than five minutes, I feel like I’ll get frustrated doing only one task and then have to leave before I can finish. So a mental block I guess
It’s so strange because when I’m working I love having one straightforward task, but when it comes to things I have to do for myself it’s so much harder
Oh my, yeah I can see why this is so frustrating. I don’t know of any tips that might make it easier to deal with, I really wish I did. But there’s probably tips and tricks to get around the executive dysfunction or just straight up work with it (right?).
Does anyone have recommendations for jobs that don’t require customer interactions? I used to work as a kitchen porter and I liked that, but then I got moved to the bar and I hate that. Being a bartender is exhausting and people are so entitled and rude.
I worked Back of House at a department store and I consistently didn’t have to talk to customers. Lifting boxes and sorting merchandise is physically demanding, however.
That seems decent, I’m able bodied and decently strong so warehouse work could be good for me
